One Mom...Just Trying to Get it Right

The Closet Disgusied as a Bathroom

2011-06-13T11:33:00.005-05:00

We purchased our first home almost 5 years ago when I was pregnant with our first child. What to Expect While You're Expecting must have officially fried my brain by this point, because for some unknown reason, I agreed to buy a house with the World's Worst Bathroom. (I'm gonna go ahead and claim that title, because I believe we have the goods to back it up.) Not only is it painfully small, but when we bought the home, it only had a bathtub. No shower. Eh....? Now, if you saw me when I was pregnant that first time, you will remember that I gained almost 70 pounds. Observe.

Be nice

Back away from the food, Leslie!

Clearly I was in no condition to maneuver washing my hair under the faucet of a bathtub every day, and the thought of getting my big belly in and out of the tub each morning made me cringe. So, I made Rob PROMISE that we would convert it to a shower as soon as we moved in. And we he did convert it right away, so it is better than when we first bought it. (Trying to look on the bright side here, people.) Still. This room is a hall closet at best. The title, bathroom should never be used for a space this small.

So, when Jill at Baby Rabies suggested that bloggers post videos or pictures of their homes, I knew I wanted to do it. She said we should show them in their real state and quit pretending like we all live in pristine castles. YES. Thank you! So here it is, the Bad and the Ugly that is our bathroom. I'm not even going to fake it and act as if there is any Good about it. Just keepin' it real.

Note: Before viewing this video, please keep a few things in mind.
1. I just woke up from a nap before shooting this.
2. I'm still tired.
3. I have bed head.
4. All my makeup mysteriously fell off while I was sleeping.
Thank you for your time.

Click Here to Enter the World's Worst Bathroom

P.S. Why did Oprah have to go and retire before I could appeal to her to remodel our bathroom?

Not cool, Oprah. Not cool.

Insta Friday

2011-06-10T09:08:00.004-05:00

This week has been loooong and has unfortunately revolved around the fact that I'm sick. Still. I am slowly starting to feel better thanks to my visit to the Minute Clinic the other day though. And these babies are helping me out, though antibiotics and my stomach do NOT get along. Hello, nausea.

My illness did not stop me from having a beer or two last weekend however. (Sometimes you've just got to suck it up and power through.) Had it been any other beer, I would have passed, but this beer is my favorite from a local brewery here in Nashville. We've recently discovered that a beer store close to our house has a tap of this brew, and will refill our growler for a small fee. This revelation could lead to trouble.

On Sunday, we went grocery shopping and decided to check out a new yogurt shop in the area called Berry Bear. And thus, a new addiction is born. This place is so awesome. They have 18 flavors of frozen yogurt to chose from and 36 (I think I counted that right) different toppings you can add. It's self serve, so you decide how much yogurt to add to your bowl, and you dress it with your choice of toppings. They weigh it once you've created your bowl and charge by the ounce. It was fun for the kids and SO delicious. I picture us spending lots of time here.

AND...they have a cool sink in the bathroom that I someday would like to have in my dream house, thankyouverymuch.

The rest of the week has been a haze of working, pumping, taking care of the kiddos and muddling through the best I can.

I did snap some shots of my "pump room" because it is so near and dear to my heart. I've pumped in this room for 15 months (and counting), so she and I have a history now. And yes ladies, it's a bathroom. Don't be jealous! Honestly, I don't mind that much. I'm the only person who uses the room (we have several other restrooms in the office), and it's nice that it has a sink so that I can clean my supplies at the end of each session. What I don't particularly care for is that our cleaning service uses this room as their storage area. It's not a problem per se, it just doesn't make for the prettiest scenery.

And this is where the magic happens. Behold, the beauty of my Medela.
(Cue bright lights and angels singing.)
Seriously though, I love this thing, and couldn't have made the breastfeeding relationship I have with my babe work so well without it.

Proof that one of my boobs is a show off and a total over achiever.

It's all worth it to be able to do this though. I love this time with my girl. And I'm holding on to it as long as I can.

Happy weekend,
L

Snot, Drainage, and Other Unmentionables

2011-06-08T16:12:00.003-05:00

I'm sick. For 12 days now, I have been under the weather. Sore throat, cough, snotty nose, etc, etc. I've been through 3 bags of cough drops, and I'm about to polish off my second box of tissues. (Woooohooo!) My cough gets worse at night, which is pretty inconvenient since we co-sleep. Every single time I get Avery to sleep, I start hacking and wake her up. She then proceeds to give me this "how dare you wake me out of my perfectly restful sleep" look, and back on the boob she goes. This little game that we've been playing each night, while buckets of fun and laughs, is starting to get old.

So today, I decide to venture out to the Minute Clinic. I didn't want to go to my PCP, because I kept picturing myself sitting in his waiting room for a couple of hours, surrounded by people even sicker than me, only to have him say, "Just a virus, nothing I can do, you'll just have to wait it out." And then I kick him in the nuts. (Note: That last part is just in my dreams.) Obviously I have been hanging out at the peditrician's office way too much, because that is always her response when my kiddos are sick. And then we've wasted precious moments of our lives with zero outcome, and been exposed to a million more germs in the process. So, no thank you on that one.

So okay, back to the Minute Clinic part. OMGosh, this nurse practitioner was awesome! She actually listened to me when I was talked, seem to empathize, was very thorough in her exam, AND even gave me some medicine that is suppose to make me feel better. Word. It seems to her that what was probably just a virus in the beginning has developed into a sinus infection and bronchitis. <---- That is why I should have went in 10 days ago. Lesson learned. So, I'm doing antibiotics for 10 days (yippee, a yeast infection!), some "cough pills" that she says will loosen up all that lovely stuff that is currently wedged in my chest and throat, and cough syrup to help clear up the bronchitis, soothe my throat, and help me sleep.

Fingers and toes crossed that this works.

L

Insta Friday

2011-06-03T09:47:00.008-05:00

I finally joined the rest of the world and bought an IPhone. I was always one of those, "What's the big deal about the IPhone?" people, but now I'm all, "O.M.G. my IPhone is the best thing ever." I want to kiss it and sleep with it and have little IPhone babies with it. I especially love my Instagram app that allows me to take random photos and spruce them up with all sorts of fun filters. It's so easy to use and has the easiest sharing capabilites of the photo apps, in my opinion.

So, imagine my delight when I found that Life Rearranged, leads these awesome "Insta Friday" sharing blog posts. I was doing Friday's Photo here anyway, so this is the perfect new thing for me. Especially since the bulk of the photos I take these days are via Instagram.

Without further ado, I present to you my first Insta Friday offerings.

We traveled to Kansas City last weekend to spend time with Rob's family. This was our first road trip since Sis came along, and we were nervous about how the kids would do. I would have photos of the car ride, but the kids were doing so well, I didn't dare look at them or try taking a picture for fear they might melt down and make me want to jump out of the car.

Our first stop when we got there was to a BBQ joint called Oklahoma Joe's. We read that they had the best ribs in the universe and since Anthony Bourdain has them listed as one of the 13 places to eat before you die, we thought we couldn't lose. Okay people, gaze upon these beautiful ribs. Best I have ever put in my mouth.

We also made a trip to the City Market. It was nasty, cold and rainy that day, but we had a good time despite the weather. Will was especially proud of the new Adidas outfit and AIR JORDANS he got from his uncle Pat and Aunt Steph. He wants to wear the shoes every day now. Even when they don't match his outfit. Thanks, guys.

Cannolis from Carollo's Italian. Need I say more?

Every time we go to Kansas City, Rob has to have a pizza from Minsky's. It's his favorite pizza in the world. No matter how great the other pizza that we find in Nashville may be, for him it just doesn't compare. And I must say, it is AH-MAZING.

(Note: I realize that most of these photos are of food. We reeeeally like food.
A lot.)

After we visited and ate ourselves silly, it was time to head home on Monday. I found fairly inexpensive airfare that I took advantage of so that Avery and I could fly home. Since she's still a lap infant and can fly free, it was a no-brainer. It was worth every penny to not have to endure another 9 hours in the car climbing back and forth from the front to the back seat. Did I mention that I also nursed her in her car seat? Let me just say a few words about that experience, OWWWWW MY RIBS!!!

The little stinker was much better flying a couple of hours on the way home.

And then she was all tuckered out once we finally arrived back in Nashville. You know how good your couch feels after you've been staying in someone else's house for a few days? So does she.

I came down with a cold or some other nastiness while we were gone and completely lost my voice. These became my best friends and were the only thing that made me sound somewhat like a normal human being.

Wednesday, Rob had a terrible day at work and we came home to our AC being out. Fun times. We had these plans for dinner that got completely thrown out the window as it was 84 degrees in our house, and I didn't dare turn on an appliance that omits any more heat. My husband managed to fix the AC himself in about an hour (THANK YOU, HONEY), but by that point, it was too late and still too hot to cook at home. Wednesday=$1.99 Wacky Packs at Sonic. Yes, please.

And, it's finally Friday again. I'm all jazzed because I'm actually feeling a little better today, and I managed to put makeup on for the first time this week. Though, if it weren't for Rob driving us to work every day, I would never have makeup on. The car ride in is my time to nap, apply makeup, play Words with Friends, check Twitter, and of course, play with Instagram.

Happy Friday folks,
L

Drama King

2011-06-01T12:34:00.002-05:00

Will has a flair for the dramatics. (Disclaimer: he did NOT inherit this from me.) Allow me to demonstrate.

Will: (in the whiniest voice possible) Mommy, Sis wants my Explorer.

Me: Well, it would be nice if you could share it with your sister. You've been playing with it for a while now.

Will: (cranks whine up an octave) But, she'll just EAT it! Is that what you want!? Do you want her to eat it!?

Me: Will, she doesn't even know how to play. She just wants to pretend, she'll be over it in a minute, and you can have it back.

Will: (indignantly hands Explorer to his sister) FINE! I won't play with anything then! I just won't ever play with anything ever, ever again!! (Huffs and crosses arms across chest)

Me: (stares blankly)

Will: You don't want me to play with anything, do you!? You don't even like me, do you!?

Me: You're being silly, Will. Of course I like you, but you need to share with your sister.

Will: (pouting) You want a new son, don't you??

Me: Don't say that, Bud. No, I don't want a new son.

Avery bores of Explorer, drops it on the ground, and moves on to the next thing.

Will: (smiling as if nothing happened) My turn!

I am left wondering silently what on earth just happened and how long this "I Must Have Every Toy He/She Has" stage will last.

If you know the answer to that question, please don't tell me.

L

I am a Victim

2011-05-19T12:31:00.002-05:00

You won't read those words very often. They are taboo. We associate them with being weak. To say you are a victim is to claim you've been defeated. That you aren't strong enough to overcome something that has happened to you.
Or is it?

From Webster's:

Victim: one that is injured, destroyed, or sacrificed under any of various conditions

one that is subjected to oppression, hardship, or mistreatment

The definition itself doesn't suggest anything about weakness, fault, or guilt, but we have come to associate it as such.

Let me back up a little. I haven't written here in ages, and I've made excuses to myself and others as to why. I have been much busier than usual, but I could have found the time. The truth is, I've been struggling to put into words what has been on my mind for the past several months. And I didn't want to say it the wrong way, because I think it's important.

So here's what happened. I was home, snuggled in bed with my baby, nursing her to sleep, watching Private Practice. And then it happened. At the end of the show, just briefly, you got a glimpse of KaDee Strickland's character, Charlotte being attacked from behind. It was evident from the final scene of the show that she would also be raped. I sat staring at the TV in disbelief. Blink, blink, blink. It felt so horribly real. I couldn't move. I lay in bed shaking. I didn't sleep much that night. The scene was horrific and scary, and brought about a reaction in me that I'm sure a lot of viewers experienced.

I was molested.
I wasn't raped.
I wasn't beaten.
It wasn't a stranger.
I was 15.
It was dirty. It was slimy, and it was degrading, and it was wrong. I felt that in every inch of my body. I tried to get out, attempted to "take myself to another place" like they say on TV, but there was no escaping what was happening to me. It took only minutes. It felt like hours. Days even. It only happened that one time. That night, after I was able to get away, I cried to my dad riding in the passenger seat of his police car. It wasn't easy, but I told him everything that happened. It never happened again.

That's all I'm going to say about "the event." I'm not going to talk about him. I'm not going to say his name. It isn't important now. What I want to talk about is what happened after. I began going to therapy, and almost immediately, I remember the therapist saying to me, "You are not a victim, you're a survivor." Okay. I had heard it before. I had heard it on Oprah, or a movie, or read it in the monthly issue of my Teen magazine. I couldn't recall exactly where, but it was familiar to me, and it sounded like the right thing for a therapist to say. I've heard it many times since then. I heard it on Private Practice the week following Charlotte's rape. I recall her saying, "Stop looking at me like I'm a victim." If you go online and Google, "I am not a victim," you will get thousands of hits. It is a mantra that many embrace.

Now maybe these words help a lot of people out there. And if they do, great. Go with that. I realize they are meant to be empowering. They are designed to give the power back to you when you feel like it has been ripped away. But I must say, all those words did for me was push me to pretend that I was okay. I wasn't. Hearing that I wasn't a victim, but yet a survivor, gave me this impression that I needed to act strong even though I didn't feel strong. It said to me that I should just overcome what happened. But I hadn't. I hadn't even began to scratch the surface on dealing with what happened. I immersed myself in this role of playing a survivor. But that's all it was, an act. So, I started stuffing all those "weak" feelings deep inside myself. I pushed that victim away as hard as I could. I didn't want to be that girl. I didn't want to be vulnerable. So, I wasn't weak or vulnerable on the outside. I smiled, I laughed, and I just kept stuffing that victim down. I acted like the girl I was before. But I wasn't the same girl. Whether I wanted it to change me or not, I had been changed forever. What I didn't realize at the time, was that I was trying to stick bandaids over a gaping hole. I wasn't being honest with my parents, my therapist, or myself about how I was really feeling. Because I was strong, remember!? I was a survivor. I wasn't a victim.

My quest to appear strong led me to a slew of bad choices throughout the years. I just kept pushing that victim down. Eventually, I had to put Xanax and Prozax and Zyprexa on top of her. She was starting to get out of control in there. I even found a man who I allowed to push her around and remind her of how weak she was. I did so many things to drown out the voice of that weak, pathetic victim inside me. But as much I tried to silence her, I could still hear her from deep within. And finally, after a breakdown that would lead me to a week in the psychiatric ward, I came face to face with her. She told me all the things she had been wanting to say in those years I had stuffed her down. She cried for days and days. She forgave me for what I done to her. And on the day before I left the hospital, I finally realized something about that girl. She may have been a victim, but she wasn't weak. She was vulnerable, but she wasn't a push over. She was damaged, but she was honest. She just wanted to be heard. I just wanted to be heard.

I finally stood inside of what had happened to me. I told that 15 year old girl that I was sorry. I told her that it wasn't her fault. I told her that she didn't have to be strong until she was ready. I told her there were people who loved her enough to hold her up in those moments when she couldn't stand by herself. I told her it was okay to be a victim. I told her that I believe a person can be a victim and a survivor at the same time. I told her that there was no shame in feeling whatever it was she needed to feel to move on. And eventually, she did. I finally moved on.

Do I still have moments when I'm effected by what happened? Yes, of course. Every experience that I've had in this life made me the person I am today. But now, I love that person. All of her. Even the victim.

L

The Birds and The Bees and a Three Year Old

2010-10-27T09:44:00.003-05:00

It was just an ordinary weeknight in the Milner house. Rob cooked dinner, I nursed Sis while trying to simultaneously fold laundry, and Will took every single toy he owns out and scattered them throughout the house. Things were going like clockwork.

After I got Will's jammies on and read him a couple of books, I asked, as I always do, what story he would like for me to tell him tonight. You see, reading 2 books at bedtime just isn't enough for this kid. He expects an off the cuff story from a topic of his choosing each night. It's pretty amazing what random subjects he manages to dream up.

And then this happened.

Will: (Deep in thought) Hmmmmmm....tell me the story about......ummm....(light bulb goes off in 3 year old brain) how Sis got in your belly. (smiles, thoroughly satisfied with his choice)

Me: (Chokes on water) Really? You want to hear that story? What about the one about the DRAGON? (scary eyes and emphasis on "dragon" to promote my alternative story)

Will: No, I don't want the one about the dragon. Tell me the one about Sis in your belly.

LET THE FUN BEGIN.

Me: Well, one day, Mommy and Daddy talked for a really long time about what it would be like to have another baby. We wanted you to have a little brother or sister to play with and since we love each other very much, we decided that another baby would be awesome.

Will: (Puzzled) But how did she get in there?

Oh my gosh, this is not happening right now. Seriously, this story isn't suppose to come up for another few years at least, right!?

Me: Well, Daddy put her in there when she was very, very small.

Will: How?

What is this an interrogation!?!?

Me: Well, there's a special hug that mommies and daddies give to each other to make babies. (Thank you, Momversation!)

Will: Oh. (shakes his head seemingly satisfied)

Me: And Sis was just this big (holds thumb and forefinger together closely for visual) when she went in Mommy's belly. She was so little, she didn't have eyes or ears or even arms and legs yet. She lived in Mommy's belly in a little sac filled with warm water. She just floated around in there, and as time went on, she grew and grew. When Mommy ate, some of my food went to feed her and help her get bigger. She got bigger and bigger until she was ready to come out of Mommy's belly and meet us. Then Mommy went to the hospital and she came out.

Will: How did she get outta there?

AGH, not this part!

Me: Well.....she came out of Mommy's privates.

Will: YOUR PRIVATES???? (falls back on the bed laughing hysterically) How did she get out of your privates? (still in stitches)

Me: There is an area on mommies' privates where babies come out of when they are ready to be born.

Will: (still giggling) I didn't come out of your privates. I came out of Daddy's.

Me: (joining Will's laughter) Uh, no Bud, you were in Mommy's belly too, you didn't live in Daddy's belly. Daddies can't have babies in their bellies, only mommies.

Will: (now serious and in deep thought) Oh. Well, that's not fair. (long thoughtful pause)........
Now, tell me the story about the DRAGON.

And there you have it ladies and gentlemen. My first official bird and bees talk. I'm sure I have much more explaining to do in the future. Next time, I'll pour a glass of wine first.

Cheers,
L

Team Milner

2010-09-27T11:38:00.003-05:00

I'm not going to go in to how insanely busy I have been. I'm sure my absence here speaks for itself. I could give you a play by play of how jam packed my days have become, but it's nothing you haven't heard before. I think we all have those periods in our lives when we overextend, put our heads down, and push forward as best we can. We all experience times when we seriously question why days can't be longer than 24 hours.

Single parents, especially those with more than one job, have officially become my new heroes. Simply because I don't know how I would make it through, emotionally or logistically, without the help of my husband right now. I would say that having someone by my side fighting the good fight is what is most important. But that's not true. Because having just any "someone" wouldn't do. It's having Rob there with me that makes it all worthwhile. He isn't just my husband or my best friend. He is, in every sense of the word, my partner. We work together for the good of our little family. He cooks dinner, I clean the kitchen. I teach Zumba, he hangs with the kids while I'm at class. I read books, he tells bedtime stories. I change diapers, he changes diapers. You get the point. He has never made me feel as though I'm in this marriage or parenting thing on my own. His heart is in this game just as much as mine is. Knowing that makes all the little sacrifices not seem like sacrifices at all. And looking in the faces of those little ones that we love so desperately, I know that all this "hard work" is actually a blessing and a privilege. Thank you, God for trusting us with the lives of these children. We're doing the best we can.

L

4am

2010-08-15T05:48:00.000-05:00

I wake and watch you sleep.
The tiny glimmer of street lights outside make the night in our bed more gray than black.
I study your features as best I can in the haze.
Yours is a face that I've come to know, so my memory fills in what the darkness leaves out.
Our baby girl sleeps sweetly between us.
Her face somehow even more precious than in her wakefulness.
She stirs and nurses quietly on my breast.
Her tiny hand grips my night gown.
Her little toes press gently against my stomach.
Her eyes never open.
After a few moments, her latch loosens and releases me as she suckles the air desperately before succumbing to sleep.
I slip quietly and carefully from bed to go look at our boy.
The dim light from his fish tank gives me a view of his face.
He sleeps upside down in his bed with his pillow at the foot.
His sandy blond curls contrast bluntly against the red pillowcase.
I stare at him for longer than I can recall, losing all concept of time.
He is the ultimate culmination of the two of us,
So much you and so much me, all at the same time.
I can't fathom a more perfect boy.
I bend to tuck the covers around his skinny body.
His eyes blink sleepily as he wakens just for a moment, somewhere between dreams and reality.
"Daddy?" he asks.
"No Buddy, it's Mommy."
"I want my Daddy."
"Okay Bud. Go back to sleep, and I'll get Daddy."
I smile recalling the many times he asks for you, his best friend.
He is, of course though, dreaming again before I can leave his room.
I slide back under our covers gently, nuzzling next to our girl again.
I close my eyes and listen to the stillness of our home as we all breathe softly in unison.
I reflect again on our little family as I drift back to sleep, imagining our four hearts beating in time.
Even my best dreams don't compare to this.

THE Weekend

2010-07-20T16:25:00.004-05:00

I haven't blogged in over a week. There is not really a word to sufficiently describe how busy we have been since coming back from our trip. Life has been crazy hectic, and that's about the biggest understatement of the year. I feel like the moment we left for Knoxville, I was set into this alternate universe where there are only 12 hours in each day. Because suddenly no matter how much I do, or how hard I try, there's never enough time in the day to finish it all. And after arriving back in Nashville and meeting with a center that wants me to teach a couple of Zumba classes there each week, I have been working tirelessly on getting together my music and routines for the new class. I'm nervous and excited at the same time. It's much more work than I anticipated looking at it from the student's perspective. But it's a blast putting my class together, and Will is really enjoying jumping around the living room and doing somersaults with me each night. (Note to any potential class attendees: There will be no somersaults or tumbling included in my class. Will is pretty disappointed about this decision.)

Another new task that I decided to add to my list recently is coupon shopping. I'm sure you're thinking, "Okay, so what? Coupon shopping can't take up that much time." And you may be correct, normal coupon shopping where you clip coupons out of the Sunday paper and use them at your favorite store doesn't require much time and effort. But the kind of crazy, mega coupon shopping that I've gotten into where you match coupons to sales, stack coupons, use e-coupons, print online coupons, participate in rebate programs, and request rain checks and competitors price matches does take some time and effort. It's totally paying off though and I love seeing how much money I'm saving. I'll come home on a coupon shopping high, wild eyed and be all "LOOK HONEY! I BOUGHT THESE WAFFLES FOR 19 CENTS! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? 19 CENTS!! AND THIS MUSTARD, GUESS HOW MUCH IT WAS?? JUST GUESS!" And Rob is like, "I don't know, 18 cents?" and I'm like, "NO, IT WAS FREE!! FREE! CRAZY, HUH?" And then he just nods his head in agreement, and moves away from me slowly so that his shirt doesn't get all messy when I explode from excitement.

So, between putting a 13 to 14 song Zumba class together, working a full time job, trying to maintain a (somewhat) clean house, being a crazy coupon lady, nursing a 6 month old and chasing after a 3&1/2 year old (who I swear keeps a sugar stash somewhere, b/c OMG that kid has some crazy energy) I've been just a smidge preoccupied. Just the thought of writing a new blog post last week was too much for me to even entertain. My brain was like, "Oh, no you don't! There's not room in here for anything else, missy!" So, I had to wait until I was able to put together complete sentences again. And even now, I'm probably not entirely meeting that requirement.

But, I digress. I must update about our trip to Knoxville since it was our first night away since Avery was born. I was all worried about how she was going to do without me that night, and much to my surprise, she was awesome. She didn't go to sleep quite as early as normal, but once she did, she slept ALL NIGHT. I couldn't believe it. She was, for the most part, a pretty happy baby while we were away. It's a huge relief to know that I'm able to leave her and not feel guilty because she starts screaming as soon as we pull out of the driveway. (That's not an exaggeration either, that used to happen any time I'd try to go somewhere without her.)

Our hotel room was really nice and comfortable. I keep going back and forth on what my very favorite part of it was, and I just can't decide. It's a toss up between the warm chocolate chip walnut cookies they give you upon checking in (YUM!), or the king sized bed that I would rate among the nicest I've ever slept in. Both were fantastic! The bathroom wasn't too shabby either. I'm not hard to impress, however, when it comes to bathrooms, considering that I hate ours with every fiber of my being, and want to curse it straight to the recesses of hell each and every time I step foot in it. (If you can comfortably fit more than one person in your bathroom without elbowing them in the crotch, you've got me beat and I'm extremely jealous.) I stood in the shower for a good 35 minutes, and even dried my hair and got dressed in the bathroom! That's a luxury around our house.

Here are a few shots of my favorite things in the hotel.

And this was Rob's favorite part of our room. Men aren't too hard to please, and he was beyond happy to be able to crank the AC down as low as it would go and not have to foot the bill for it.

After checking out our room, we decided to venture out on the town and have some dinner. We set out with my Google Map directions, and were excited to go have a nice meal together. We got lost on the way there and I made Rob stop at a hole-in-the-wall pet store so that I could ask for directions. Here's how that conversation went.

Me: I was wondering if you could help me. I'm looking for this place. (points to map) Are you familiar with it, because we went west and didn't see this street anywhere.

22 year old pet store guy: Hmmmm....yeah. I do know where that place is. Let me see........Yeah, my dad plays there a lot. (looks back at me like this information is suppose to help)

Me: That's nice. So are we on the right street or....?

Pet store guy: Yeah, yeah. Uh, let me think.....hmmmmm.....when you go there from my house, it's just a straight shot right too it. (looks at me again like I know where he lives and can find it from his house)

Me: Okay. Hmmmm, well....So I just stay on this road, then?

Pet Store Guy: Yeah, just stay on this road until you see some warehouses. It's right after that. It's about 2 or 4 miles from here. If you see the mechanic shop, you've gone too far. The restaurant is right across from a playground.

Me: Okay, thanks a lot.

I jump back in the car, tell Rob that we need a GPS, and to just keep driving until we see a playground or pass by Pet Store Guy's house, since you know, it's right down the road from him! We go about 5 miles and realize that we're nowhere close to the place and are, in fact, headed out of town. I call the restaurant and asked for directions from them. After turning around and several more rights and lefts, we arrive at the restaurant (which is, in fact, across the street from a playground). I'm so hungry at this point, I want to chew my arm off, so I order a steak sandwich. I figured since I was going to be doing lots of physical exercise and cardio the next day, I might as well load up on protein. Apparently, I was more hungry than I even realized, because once my steak arrived, I proceed to take a bite of it and pretty much swallow it whole, thus lodging it in my throat. I tried several times to swallow it down. Nothing. I put my hand on my throat and tried to swallow really hard. Didn't budge. I took a drink of my beer in the hopes that some lubrication would slide it on down. But apparently, it hit a big ol' steak roadblock in my throat, because it came right back up out of my mouth. By this point, Rob has caught on to the fact that I'm choking. I'm not sure if it was the beer foaming out of my mouth or the crazy eyes I was giving him with the telepathic "OMG, GIVE ME THE HEMLICH!!" looks that he picked up on, but he told me to get up and come outside. Luckily, we were sitting right by the back door of the restaurant, and when I stood to rush outside so that he could help me, the steak went down. Gravity, I suppose? Either way, there I was with beer spit all over my outfit thankful to be alive. It freaked us both out pretty bad, but at least we came home with a story to tell. (I'm a glass half full kind of girl.)

The next morning, I had to get up bright and early to get ready for my Zumba training. It was a long, but fun and exciting day. I learned a ton and did so much Zumba, I thought my legs might fall off. We headed to my folk's house as soon as the class was over, and I was anxious to see my babies. Will was at the rodeo with my dad, but our girl was there to greet us with smiles.

And as soon as I saw that face, I knew I was right back where I was suppose to be. I think I'll stay put for a while.

Don't forget to chew your food.

L

Friday's Photo (Zzzzzz...Edition)

2010-07-09T08:38:00.004-05:00

I'm really on a roll this morning. I think this is the first time that I've ever posted in the AM. (No, I didn't drink more sugar.) I've got a very busy day ahead, so I thought I should get this post in before things get crazy.

This is a rare sight.

It's not that she's sleeping that makes this photo rare, it's that she's sleeping without me. You see, my girl has always been really attached to her mom. Since she came out and pressed her tiny little feet onto my belly to work her way up to my breast, she's been hooked. So for that reason and the many other benefits of co-sleeping, she has always slept snuggled in beside me to sleep every night. It makes it SO much easier to nurse, as I pretty much sleep through her breastfeeding at night. It's wonderful bonding time for not only she and I, but for she and Rob as well. We've talked about how nice it is to wake up and see her sweet face first thing in the morning. My heart melts every time.

So, when I say that I'm nervous about tonight because this will be the very first time that she and I have slept apart from each other, maybe you'll understand. Rob and I are taking a short overnight trip to Knoxville so that I can get certified to instruct Zumba. It's something that I've been wanting to do for a long time, and I finally got the guts to quit putting it off and just do it. I'm really looking forward to attending the class and having a night for just Rob and I. I must admit, however, I am afraid of how my girl is going to handle it. I keep having these terrible visions of her screaming all night and my dad and step mom pacing the floor with her. I really hope that doesn't happen. It would be awesome to feel like I can leave her overnight every now and then should Mommy and Daddy want some Mommy and Daddy time. Cross your fingers, pray, do Hail Marys, or whatever it is that you think may help Sis (and I) get through this night with as few tears as possible.

I'll update with a full weekend report on Monday.

Happy Weekend,
L

Weekly Wish List

2010-07-08T15:38:00.006-05:00

Don't you love how I just up and changed the name of my wish list? Thing is, I can't commit to doing it on a certain day each week. You would think a person as organized and anal as I am could make it happen, but I seem to be failing miserably. On Wednesdays I work from 8 to 5 rather than 9 to 6, and I swear it feels like I have less hours in the day. Of course, in reality, that's not the case, but my crazy brain tells me that it is. So I've titled this week's wish list "Weekly" because, uh, it's not Wednesday. (I'm a real brainiac.) (I just had to spell check the word "brainiac".) Anyway, I'm doing a wish list and here it is.

P.S. Can you tell I've had a lot of sugar today and that I never drink sugar? I made punch for a party at work and drank approximately half the punch bowl by myself. One minute I feel like running around the building and the next I fear I might start snoring at my desk. I'm a hot mess right now.

Anyway, on with the wish list.

P.S.S. Today's list has no theme. It's full of random stuff. I just can't get my brain to slow down and cooperate long enough to put together a theme.
::: shakes fist at sugar :::

P.S.S.S. I'm really wearing myself out.

Remember last week when I talked about the cottage in the woods with the white decor and crumpets? Here is something else that I'll string in our "girl hut." This Shakespearean paper garland of hearts makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. It's so delicate and romantic. I love Shakespeare. I love this garland. The end.

I need this Je T'aime pillow for my bedroom. (Ahem, cough, cough, hint Rob, cough) It is the color of my sheets, and would look divine with my fluffy white down comforter. I adore everything about this pillow, and for that matter, all the other handmade goodies in HoneyPieDesign's shop. Gorgeous stuff!

Have I ever told you that I love bath bombs? I used to have a pretty serious addiction to the ones from Lus h. Then I got married, had kids and had to stop spending all my money on myself. Funny how that works out. Every now and then, however, I think every woman should indulge themselves, and there's no better way than a nice hot bath with a bath bomb. (Note: Wait till after your toddler goes to bed so that you won't spend the entire time answering, "No, I'm not done yet." "Nope, don't need any help in here, Will." "Just taking a bath right now, bud." "I'll be out in a minute.") My favorites are the Big Blue and the Sex Bomb, but they are all amazing. Their bubble bars are great too!

If you read this blog much, or know me at all, you probably realize how passionate I am about breastfeeding. I'm not going to rehash the many benefits of breastfeeding now, but basically, it rocks on so many levels. I think this Peace, Love & Breastfeeding tank is super cute, and would love to have it to show my support of nursing moms.

I had a hard time deciding which bag in bayanhippo's shop was my favorite. Seriously, I would carry all of them. But I'm particularly fond of this Abanoz in apple green. It's big enough to hold all of my junk and the color is bright and lively. One of these days, I'll retire my old bag, and this shop is where I'll buy my next one.

Off to take a nap. Or maybe run laps. Decisions...

Till next time,
L

Cinderella

2010-07-07T12:58:00.003-05:00

Will and I went shopping this past weekend, and I told him that if he was very good while in Target, he could pick out a $5 toy. He was excellent. He didn't get out of the cart once, played quietly with his monster truck he brought along, and no whining the entire time. (Shocking, I know!)

So, just as I promised, we ventured over to the toy section for him to pick a reward. We looked at Buzz Lightyear stuff, water guns, bubbles, balls and super heroes. We spent a solid 15 minutes scanning the aisles as he looked for that perfect toy. As we rounded one of the aisles, he looked on the end cap and saw it. His mind was made up immediately. This is what he wanted.

I reminded him of the other things that we looked at, and asked if he was sure this is the toy that he wants. (Not because I wanted to change his mind. I just wanted to be sure he knew he wouldn't be getting any of the other toys that moments earlier, he was freaking out over.) "Yes, I want Cinderella. She's pretty." So, that's what we bought. Will has gotten several funny looks since then. Even the cashier in Target did a double take to make sure that he wasn't a girl, and then commented, "A Barbie? Okay, then," like it was the most bizarre thing she'd ever seen. Call me crazy, but I just don't buy into this whole, "these toys are for girls/these are for boys" idea where everything is so gender specific. I'm not going to limit my kids on what toys they can play with because of this crazy notion that there are girl-only toys or boy-only toys. I bought Will the Barbie because that is what he wanted. And if Avery asked for a GI Joe or a race car, I'd buy her one without hesitation. Believe me, she already chews on her fair share of trucks since she just so happens to live with an older brother.

Will is really proud of his Cinderella, and has been sleeping with her at night and taking her to his friends' houses. He does however also crash her into his cars and knock things over with her head. I give Cinderella about 2 weeks before she loses an extremity.

Wednesday's Wish List coming this afternoon...

Cheers,
L

Wish List and Apology

2010-07-02T11:01:00.003-05:00

I'm a bad blogger. I've really been slacking on updating, but....no, no excuses. I should be updating here more often. There are things happening that I need to write about, so you'll be hearing more from me next week. In the meantime, I'm going to do a wish list since I didn't post one on Wednesday. I'm also going to post Friday's Photo later this afternoon. I'm really on a roll today.

This wish list is very colorful and happy. I chose these things because it's beautiful outside, and when the day is this pretty and vibrant, I gravitate towards bold colors. You'll never catch me in a bright colored shirt on a rainy day. True story. I just can't do it. More proof that I'm a certifiable weirdo.

So here we go.

I love this magazine lampshade from 1oakfinds. When I was younger and living alone, I actually made collages from magazines and newspaper. I never showed them to anyone, but it was a sort of therapy for me clipping and arranging and pasting all my different little finds. This lamp reminds me of that time in my life.

I am drawn to this Rainbow Umbrella photo because of the sharp contrast in it. Everything around the umbrella is so dark and dreary, yet the umbrella is so bright and striking. I can't pinpoint exactly why, but I really enjoy this photo. It has a sort of mystery about it.

One day, I'm going to win the lottery and build a little cottage in the woods where I can take Avery and all the women in my life to have tea and eat crumpets. (Note: I don't know what a crumpet actually is, but doesn't it sound good??) The cottage's purpose would be solely for girl time and frilly girl things. No boys allowed. I can't have them getting my beautiful white space all messy. When I get my cottage built, I'm going to put decor like this 12 Volume Set of The Book House inside. I love this set of books from DJandPvintage so much, that I might actually just decorate everything around them.

I'm coming back down to Earth now, and going with a more practical item that I really do wish I had now. First let me preface by saying, I have an almost 6 month old who is very fascinated with everything that is going on around her. I love to watch her little eyes scan the room, and take it all in. Since she's become so curious however, she likes to look around while she's nursing. If someone walks into the room and says something, she turns her head to look for them. If she hears the TV click on, she turns her head to see where the noise is coming from. If she sees any ol' thing out of the corner of her eye, she turns her head to check it out. Did I mention that each time she turns her head, she never breaks her latch and continues to hold on to my nipple?? So, yeah, for the sake of my boobs, I need this Mommy's Rainbow Nursing Necklace to give this child something colorful to play with while she's eating. Isn't it pretty?

And last by not least, have I told you how much more fun it is to dress a girl than a boy? If not, this Rainbow Lollipop Tutu should give you an inclination as to why. Enough said.

Until this afternoon,
L

Friday's Photo (Brothers & Sisters Edition)

2010-06-25T16:05:00.005-05:00

At first glance, my kiddos don't look that much alike sitting side by side. Will was born with little to no hair and has always been thin as a rail. Avery, however, came out with a head full of jet black hair and is a chunky little monkey. Since Will is 3 & 1/2 now, and has that "boy"look to him instead of the "baby" look, it's hard to see them in each other.

But when you compare their baby pictures, something crazy happens. They look like the same kid! Same mouth, same round cheeks, same blue eyes and the same "What'chu talkin' bout Willis" (RIP Gary Coleman) look on their face.

See for yourself.

Will at 4 months

Avery at 4 months

So much the same on the outside, yet so different on the in. Both perfect in their own way. I adore those kids.

Happy weekend,
L

Friday's Photo (Father's Day Edition)

2010-06-18T15:33:00.008-05:00

Instead of one photo today, I'm going to post several in honor of my husband. Since this weekend is Father's Day, it needs to be said that I think he's the best dad around, and that I'm the luckiest girl that's ever lived to have him beside me raising our children. I loved him before he was a dad, but since he's become a father, my love for him has grown past what I even knew was possible. It's moments like the ones in these photos that make it happen.

There are thousands more "little" moments in between. More wonderful times than this blog has room to hold. Funny thing about those little moments, one day when you look back and realize how quickly it's all passing by, you discover that they're actually the big ones. That they're the ones that matter most. That quiet time, when no one else is watching and it's just us and our kids, those are the ones that make a father a dad.

I love you, honey. Then and now.

Happy Father's Day!
L

Wednesday Wish List

2010-06-16T14:39:00.007-05:00

The Wednesday Wish List is back! And on time too. (Believe me, I'm as shocked as you are.) I've run into a lot of fun stuff on the net lately, so I thought we'd make that the theme for today. Because with oil spills and floods and 100 degree JUNE days, we all could use a little fun in our lives. So, here we go...

First is the cutest little change purse ever. It's called the Kisslock coin purse, and I want it. It's simple, fun, and I love the colors. Forget the fact that I never have any actual change because Will takes it all to put in his piggy bank. I'll find something else to put in there. Like Xanax! I kid. (Unless you have some and then I'm totally not kidding.) Just kidding!.... Or am I?

And check out this Recycled Picnic/Market Basket. It looks like it will hold a ton of stuff, which is right up my ally. Something happens when you have children. You go from being able to carry those cute little purses to needing full sized luggage every where you go. I could get so many uses out of this basket. You could take it shopping, to the beach, or on a nice, little picnic. That is, if you are brave enough to eat outside in the 100 degree JUNE weather. (I'm not bitter or anything.)

When I saw these Florist Measuring Cups from Anthropologie, I immediately thought about my step mom. They look like something that she would have sitting in her kitchen. They are beautiful, playful, and practical at the same time. Love them!

Everything in the Etsy shop of 3dots is fabulous, but I was especially impressed with this Peacock tail 2 necklace she has listed. Loving the wood in this piece. It's the perfect size, and is cute and whimsical. Would be so adorable to compliment a simple outfit.

Did you know that one of my most favorite flowers is the hydrangea? I adore them. I also really love the idea of wallpaper, but don't like the commitment that it demands. If you've ever stripped wallpaper, you know what a pain it is. I've always been reluctant to put it up for that reason. Well, hold onto your seats, because today I discovered....are you ready for it?... removable wallpaper! What a concept! Not only did I discover that it exists, but look at this fun Hydrangea print removable wallpaper that I came across on Real Shopping. Lu-hu-huv it! Rob would never in a million years go for it, but now that we've got a girl, I have a better excuse to slap up something like this in her room. I'm sneaky like that.

A couple more days till the weekend. I'm holding on for dear life.
L

Friday's Photo

2010-06-11T12:46:00.004-05:00

Trying out a new section on my blog. Go with me on this one. Every Friday, I'll blog a photo that I want to share. Forgive me, but 99% of them will probably be of my children. They're just too cute, so I can't help myself.

My aunt took this photo of Will, and I just love it. It nails his personality, and also captures the essence of how I feel about a few things too.

1. The feeling I get when my alarm goes off in the morning
2. My sentiments about baby corn
3. The look on my face when Will says, "Look Mommy, I got a booger for you!"
4. TRAFFIC
5. The face I give crazy women who try and humiliate me for nursing in public

Hope your weekend is filled with happy faces.
L

Wish List

2010-06-10T16:32:00.004-05:00

It's been a long time. Too, too long since I've posted a wish list. And since things have been so serious around here lately, I thought it was high time I got back to sharing some finds with you and lighten it up a little. Also, since it's been so long, everything that I'll be showing you today are things that I've already purchased. I know, I'm bad. But, in my defense, all but one were gifts for someone else, so there!

And, just so you know that I'm not crazy, I realize today isn't Wednesday. But next week, the official Wednesday Wish List will be back in full swing. For today, however, it's going to be Thursday's List. Because I'm a crazy, wild rebel like that. Snap!

First up is a reversible pouch sling that I bought shortly before Sis came along. I knew that with a toddler and a newborn, I would need as many free hands as I could get, so I dove into the world of babywearing. Let me tell you, I'll never go back. I love having my baby close to me, and being able to get things done at the same time. And she really enjoys it as well. She often goes to sleep in there. (Especially when her daddy starts playing guitar, because for her, it's like a baby sedative. Pretty amazing stuff, really.) But, I digress. This sling has been awesome. It's so well made, soft and easy to use. If you are a fan of the peanut sling design, I would highly recommend trying the slings from BabyinaFishBowl. She has a ton of other great products as well.

Next is the Birthday Monster Tshirt from SpeckledSunshine. I bought this for Will's birthday, and he looked adorable in it. (You'll have to take my word for that though, because he was in one of his, "No, Mommy, don't take my picture" moods. ::::huge eye roll::::) The tshirt is super soft and washes up very nicely. I expected that the colors may run or fade, but he's been wearing it for a while now and it's still going strong. Anyone who has a messy toddler knows that is saying alot.

I bought a set of these Custom Photo Coasters for my step mom for Mother's Day. It's truly one of my favorite Etsy purchases ever. So beautiful, and the seller, patricia082173 was wonderful to work with. The packing was just as gorgeous as the coasters, and she even did a custom design on the from of the box for me. I can't say enough about these, and my step mom really loved them.

Here's another of my favorite purchases. I bought one of these Custom Photos of Vintage Cash Register Keys as a wedding gift for a friend of ours. The color in the print was AH-MAZING. The quality of the print paper was gorgeous. You just message the seller with the date you would like to appear on the print, and she'll take the custom photo for you. The turnaround time was very quick for a personalized order, and the couple we gave the gift to absolutely loved it. You could also purchase this for a graduation or baby's DOB. The seller, lilacpopphotograpy, also sells this print in sepia or black and white, and has a whole shop full of other beautiful work.

And finally is the Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History Print that I bought for one of my friend's birthday. I framed it alongside a picture of all the girls on one of our ladies nights out. I love the feel of this photograph, because the message is typed out on a vintage typewriter. The seller, RighteousLens, has a lot of other great pre-made vintage typewriter prints in her shop, (my favorite being the "You're so cool" print inspired by the movie True Romance) or you can do a custom print and she'll type out and photograph whatever floats your boat.

Tomorrow is Friday. I can hear the angels singing already.

L

Is There a War on Breastfeeding?

2010-06-07T16:43:00.003-05:00

My girl and I went shopping this weekend. It was a typical June day in the South, steamy, 95 degrees, and the humidity was at about 8000 percent. But we ventured out anyway, because Momma needed a new pair of shoes and Sis needed some jammies with her big ol' 4 month old self in 6 to 9 month old clothes. (Lurve my chunky babe.)

She rode happily in her stroller, taking in all the scenery, while I tried on clothes and bought some makeup. (Seriously, she already loves to shop at 4 months old. She is my child.) About an hour and a half into the shopping trip, she got a bit fussy, so we stopped so I could feed her. We found a nice little bench outside, parked her ride and sat down to nurse. (Note: The outlet mall we went to is an outdoors rather than in, so walking from one store to the next is all outside.) She was nursing quietly, as I sat and watched shoppers stroll by. I didn't pay much attention to her, but I saw a woman pass, and looked up just as she turned and started coming back towards us. She approached me, and this is how our conversation went...

Her: You know, they have restrooms here for that.
Me: (Shocked, looking for words) Um, no thanks.
Her: Well, don't you have a blanket you could cover up with?

At this point, I'm gaining my composure and realizing that this is actually happening. When she first approached, I was so shocked, I didn't really know what to say.

Me: It's 95 degrees out here. I'm not covering her. She'll burn up!
Her: Which is why you should just take her into the restroom where it's cool.
Me: (Angry now) Seriously!? You must be one of those women who think God gave us these things for men to gawk at.
Her: (Stumbles a bit) NO, I breastfed all three of my children, but I had the decency to do it in the restroom while I was out in public.
Me: Yeah, I'm not doing that. I'm not ashamed to feed her. She's going to eat right here. If you're offended, don't look!

She didn't say another word, just turned on her heel and walked off in a huff. I was stunned. I was beside myself. My hands were shaking, I was so angry. I didn't understand why this woman wanted to humiliate me and make me feel dirty for breastfeeding.

What made it more confusing to me is that this incident occurred one day after a good friend of mine told me of the struggle she is having with her company after returning to work from maternity leave. She went back to the office last week after 3 months of leave, and was promptly asked by management to write down all of her pumping times so that they could keep track of how much time she was spending doing so. At the end of the week, during her review, they also asked her not to store her breast milk in their fridge anymore because "someone complained." She told me that she was certain she knew who this complainer was because, get this, he called her AT HOME AFTER WORK HOURS and told her he was anti-breastfeeding. Come again?? He said to her, "Why can't you just give her formula?" and suggested that since her baby is sleeping through the night and she goes all night without feeding, it shouldn't be much different going all day without pumping or nursing.

So, I tell my friend to write any and everything down that happens from now on with her company where pumping is concerned. This guy is obviously an idiot, and her company seems to be doing everything in their power to discourage her or make it harder for her to continue the breastfeeding relationship with her daughter.

Imagine my surprise when I fire up the internet this morning and find that many of my favorite blogs are buzzing about this article written by Rabbi Shmuley stating that breastfeeding can drive a wedge between couples. I started reading the piece and the more I read, the more hot my face became. I thought about my friend and her co-workers rude comments to her. I had a little flashback to the disgusted look of the woman waving her finger at my nursing. Then, I got to this part of the article, "Furthermore, I said, her obsession had turned one of her most attractive body parts into a feeding station, an attractive cafeteria rather than a scintillating piece of flesh," and my head exploded. He, just like the woman at the mall and my friend's co-worker subscribe to the idea that God gave us breasts for the satisfaction of men. It's not only insulting and maddending, it's flat out wrong.

He goes on to say, " Obviously, breast-feeding is not the same as carrying on an extramarital affair. But when a mother gives her breasts to her son and takes them away from her husband, the effect on the marriage can feel the same," suggesting that a woman feeding her child can give her husband the same feelings as if she is sleeping with another man. Say what!? Okay, yeah. Wow. Loss. For. Words.

He says that if a mother is tired from waking to breastfeed the baby, that she'll be too tired to be intimate with her husband. Rabbi Shmuley never once mentions that getting up, mixing formula and washing bottles in the middle of the night also requires that you be awake and therefore would leave a mother just as exhausted.

He advises that women should cover up while breastfeeding in their own homes to save their husbands from having to see them nurse. Because, God forbid that he actually see breasts for what they are, a source in which to nourish his offspring. Obviously there aren't any men out there who would look at this act taking place, and actually have MORE love for the woman who has carried and given birth to his child and is now providing food for them. Not only is this article insulting to women, it's highly insulting to the fathers who the rabbi paints as being so shallow they can't see past breasts anything other than sexual play toys for their arousal.

The article also states that "breast-feeding is usually the best thing for a baby." Apparently the rabbi missed this article, because now more than ever, the evidence shows us that there is no nourishment for our babies that is superior to mother's milk.

I said on my blog not too long ago that we need more support when it comes to breastfeeding, and these three examples are exactly what I was talking about. My friend's co-worker, the woman at the mall, and the rabbi all attempt to shame and sabotage the breastfeeding relationship that many mothers fight so hard to establish and maintain. Whether it be from ignorance or something else all together, that is the result.

But what I love about breastfeeding mothers is that we will not let them win this battle. Nature and science is on our side in this one, ladies. Don't ever let anyone make you feel dirty or shamed for nursing. Whip those boobs out and feed your babes as you see fit. The real men out there will love you more for it, not in spite of it.

Cheers,
L

And The Rain Came Down

2010-05-20T15:09:00.011-05:00

It's been over two weeks now since The Rain That Changed Our City showed up on our doorsteps, and sent many of our lives into a complete tailspin. I capitalize, because it was that big and deserves those letters and emphasis. When a city gets more rain in two days than it normal receives in 3 months, that warrants big letters.

It started on Saturday. It was the first day of May, and it rained all day. Not only did it rain all day, it rained hard all day. By the time that night approached, we were watching images on television that none of us ever thought we'd see. We watched this video of a portable classroom float down an interstate-turned-river full of stranded cars. Our eyes were glued to the coverage on TV, fixed on the weather. The rain wasn't slowing down. There was more to come. This didn't look good.

Sunday, we woke up to more news. There were roads beginning to flood all over our city. Reporters urged us to "stay inside and don't leave your house unless it's absolutely necessary." So, that's what my little family did. We stayed inside and kept our eyes on the local news until our power went out around 10 that morning. Over the next 8 hours, Will and I played every game he owns, read books and put puzzles together. All the while, it continued to rain. Our friends who still had power called us throughout the day with updates and reports. The message was always the same, "This is bad. This is really bad." One friend called to tell us that they just watched their fence, kiddie pool and doghouse get washed down the creek (which was now more like a roaring river) behind their house. We couldn't fathom what was going on. We were still without power with no time line of restoration in sight. Finally around 6pm that night, we decided to drive to our friend's house (very close by), so that we could watch the news and use the internet. That's when we really started to realize the scale of this storm, and the damage that it would do. We watched as people were rescued and evacuated from their homes. We saw roads, homes and cars flooded beyond our belief. Never before had any of us witnessed anything like this. It was historic. It was heart breaking. It was scary.

The next morning, the sun came out, and all that was left was the devastation that the rain left behind. We could not reach our office. The roads leading to our business were flooded and police had the area barricaded off allowing no one entrance. We wouldn't be allowed to return to work for 4 days.

The street leading to our office

Our basement was filled with 3 feet of water, and the brand new hot water heater we had purchased a couple months prior was submerged somewhere beneath. I'm not going to go into how stressful and inconvenience it was for our basement to flood. I won't share all the details of pumping all the water out, discovering a broken pipe, buying another new hot water heater, and finally having hot water restored after 6 days of quick showers at friends' houses. It was a pain. It was a headache. But in the grand scheme of things, compared to what others in our city and community have lost, it's so insignificant, I feel ashamed for even mentioning it.

That day and in the days following, we watched television news reports that were airing without commercial interruption. I teared up as I saw images of the beautiful Opryland hotel, now a virtual swimming pool. It wasn't just that some of our most beloved landmarks were now under water, it was the memories I have tied to them that stung the most. This is where Rob and I had our first date.

The Grand Ole Opry took on water. The place where I sat in the audience and watched Willie and Waylon and many others legends, and got chills because, "Wow, I'm at the Opry having this moment."

This is the go-kart track that is among Will's favorite places in the world. Just last summer, I stood on the sideline waving to he and Rob as they sped around the track. Will smiling with the biggest grin I've ever seen, and me snapping away with my camera trying to capture the moment.

But the most gut wrenching images were these. People's homes destroyed. Families left with no where to live. You could drive around and look at their lives sitting on their front lawns. Their memories and treasures scattered around in the grass, wet and dejected. Most do not have flood insurance to cover the damages. We didn't know we needed it. Tennessee never floods, right?

So, we're rebuilding, and moving on, and pulling ourselves up by the bootstraps. We're helping our neighbors, we're donating our time, we're opening up our homes, and we're giving what we can. And when I say we, I mean, Nashville. Because that's just what we do here. I don't know what has been more incredible to witness, The Rain That Changed Our City or The People Of This City Who Cannot Be Changed By The Rain. I'm proud to be a part of it all. Proud to be a member of this community.

It is going to take time, work, money and lots more sweat and tears to get back to where we were. But we will do it. And we'll be the better for it.

My family and I have been blessed beyond belief. We still have our home. We still have our family and our friends and a job to go to every day. Some do not. And as saddened as I am by that reality, when I lay down next to my kids every night, and breathe in the sweet smell of their shampoo, I find my safe place, all is right with the world.

May you all find your safe place to land,
L

Opportunities to help:
Hands on Nashville
Middle TN Red Cross
Nashville Flood Relief

**Disclaimer** Many of the images above were not photographed by me. There was an incredible group on Facebook than banned together to share information and images with each other, and this is where I pulled those images. If you would like to see all of the photos, go here.

IED Indeed

2010-04-30T10:40:00.004-05:00

Disclaimer: Do not read this post if...

a) you are my dad
b) you are uncomfortable with the fact that I have sex
c) you are eating something
d) you are easily frightened
e) you are my dad

If you are any of those above mentioned categories and you read this anyway, don't say I didn't warn you.

Alright then. I may not have mentioned it, but I had a baby about 4 months back. She's awesome, snuggly, and so sweet I could eat her with a spoon. Her being all these wonderful things made me realize something though, and it hit me like a ton of bricks when she was only a couple months old. I want another one!

I know some of you out there are yelling at your computer, "GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF, WOMAN!" and believe me, you're absolutely justified in that, and my husband shares in your sentiments. We don't need another baby right now. We're doing just fine with the 2 young'ins we have thankyouverymuch, but man, aren't they sweet and squishy and yummy and look at how freakin' cute they are while they sleep! So because I'm having all these irrational thoughts about babies, I decided that some iron clad birth control was in order. None of that silly condom business that can break and surprise you 6 weeks from now. And no birth control pills because a) I'm too forgetful for all that and b) Blech, they make me want to puke my guts up, and c) I forgot what C is supposed to be, so please refer to A again. So, my midwife had given me some info on these fancy little contraptions called IUDs.

It looks harmless enough, right? It's affordable, it's effective for 5 years, and once inserted you don't have to worry about remembering a pill or "preparing" before sex. Sign me up. This thing is what I need. This is going to be awesome. I excitedly made an appointment and went in for my insertion.

In a perfect world, getting an IUD goes like this....
You go to the office, lay on the table and chat with your midwife while they gently insert the IUD into your uterus. You laugh with her, and talk about how awesome it's going to be not to have to worry about birth control for the next 5 years, feel a tiny little pinch and voila, it's in. You're good. High fives all around. You skip out to the car feeling all proud and protected, and give yourself a pat on the back for taking control of your fertility. You go home, have sex with your husband, and laugh in the face of a positive pregnancy test. Life is beautiful.

In the real world, getting an IUD goes like this...
Before you leave for your appointment, you start Googling "Mirena insertion" and immediately proceed to kick yourself in the tail for doing so. There are pages of horror stories about the pain, and you show up at the midwife's office a nervous wreck. Waiting in the paper gown, you notice this foot long box sitting on the table nearby labeled "Mirena" and you start to make a run for it and just have 10 more babies, but your husband stops you and says, "GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF, WOMAN!" The midwife comes in and assures you that everything is going to be okay. It is a little painful for women who haven't had children, she explains, but since you have and your cervix is a little open from childbirth, they should just be able to jam that sucker in there with no problem. They're just going to take this tool which looks like a skinny yardstick to measure your uterus. Okay, ouch. That hurts a little. Ow, ow, ow, ow! You reach over for your husband's hand and squeeze it a little. The midwife then proceeds to tell you that despite the fact that you've just pushed a baby out, your cervix is still in the way, so she's going to need to use this instrument that can only be described as a medieval torture device to....are you ready for this???...

GRAB.YOUR.CERVIX.AND. PULL.IT.DOWN.OUT.OF.THE.WAY.

Let's have a moment of silence on that note.

You turn white and glare at your husband who gives you a knowing smile and a little "You can do it" cheer. You brace yourself, she inserts the "instrument" and as she
GRABS.YOUR.CERVIX.AND. PULLS.IT.DOWN.OUT.OF.THE.WAY
(just wanted you to remember that part), you decide this is what hell must be like. The pain makes you see spots and start sweating and get dizzy and wish that you could be pushing a baby out of your vagina without meds instead of this. It hurts that bad. When the insertion is finally over (what seems to be about 2 days later), you apologize to your husband for drawing blood on his hand, gather your things, and hobble out to the car with the instructions not to have sex for 2 weeks. 10-4 on that one. Sex is the furthest thing from your mind right now. When those 2 weeks are up, you finally give the ol' IUD a test drive and it stabs your husband's penis like tiny little needles. Sex is painful for you as well. You feel like a virgin again, and are so sore that you walk around like a horse has booted you in the crotch.

So, yeah. Not such a happy ending with the IUD yet. I read Rebecca Woolf's accounts of her troubles with her Mirena and I should have listened. My hair isn't falling out, I still have my sex drive, and I haven't been struck with yeast infections yet, but so far Mirena is not my friend. IED, indeed, Rebecca. IED, indeed.

L

A Tale of Two Births

2010-04-15T15:57:00.009-05:00

There has been much chatter and debate in the blogosphere over the past week when this article came out about a study that was published in regards to breastfeeding. It's research indicates that breastfeeding saves thousands of lives and billions of dollars, yet shows that only 14% of women are still exclusively breastfeeding their babies at 6 months old . Many mothers who stopped breastfeeding and switched to formula (for a variety of different reasons) came out in full force claiming this was just another thing designed to make mothers feel guilty. I have read so many different opinions on the issue, and finally decided I should throw mine out there as well. After all, I am very passionate about breastfeeding and the impact it has on babies and their mothers.

First of all, I don't feel as though The World Health Organization, The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Academy of Family Physicians and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention all got together and said, "Let's put our heads together and see how we can make new moms who formula feed their babies feel guilty. I know, we'll publish reports that show that breastfeeding is the optimal form of nutrition for infants. That should guilt them into nursing." I believe that the research is what it is, scientific evidence, and the article was written as a matter of fact, and was not coming from a place of opinions or bias toward either side. I know how trying breastfeeding can be. I know the trials and tribulations that a new mother can go through. I know how hard it is to hear your baby scream into your boob because he's hungry and you can't figure out proper latching. I know what it feels like to pump your cracked nipples for half an hour in a tiny bathroom at work only to produce two ounces. Believe me, I KNOW. So, when I read this follow up piece this morning, I wanted to stand from my seat and cheer. Because we shouldn't feel guilty if we "failed" at breastfeeding, we should feel slighted. To me, the bottom line is that we need more support, encouragement and resources available to us when it comes to breastfeeding.

Here are my two very different birth experiences which impacted my nursing relationships. They so closely resembled what Melissa is talking about in her piece that I couldn't deny it. Read her follow up article first, then read my stories and tell me, are all of the similarities just coincidence? I think not.

My 1st birth and breastfeeding experience with my son, Will
I visited a traditional OB throughout my pregnancy, and was told in my 37th week that I was going to have a big baby. I began having some very mild contractions when I was 38 weeks and 1 day pregnant, and rushed to the hospital, because I was a first time mother who was completely naive and thought that's what you do when you feel the first contraction. That's what they do on TV, right? I arrived at the hospital, was told that I was only dilated to 2 centimeters and my contractions were 8 minutes apart. The nurses on staff called my OB and he told them to keep me since it looked as though I was going to have a big baby anyway, and they would "help to get things moving along." They immediately started me on Pitocin, broke my water, and about 3 hours later, I requested an epidural because I had heard that was the thing to do when the pain was too intense. The Pitocin sent my baby's heart into distress, the epidural bottomed my BP out. I was a mess. After several hours and only dilating to 5, the OB came in to give me the bad news, I would need a c-section to get the baby out. He was worried about the decels in his heart rate and we needed to do this for the safety of the baby. I cried as they wheeled me down to the OR. I vomited when they administered more meds in my IV to help me relax. When my son was delivered, I heard him cry and they rushed him to the warmer, rubbed him off and bundled him up in a tight swaddle. Despite being told the previous week that I was going to have a big baby, Will weighed 7 pounds and 4 ounces at birth.

This was the first time I saw him

They let me have one free hand to touch him (the other was still strapped to the table) and then they rushed him off to the NICU because he had some fluid left in his lungs since he didn't pass through the birth canal. I told my husband to go with our son to make sure he was okay, and I was taken to my postpartum room alone. I sat there, reflecting back on everything that had just happened. I was sad. I was disappointed. I wanted to see my baby. Even though I was numb from the epidural, my body ached for my child. That, I could feel. Minutes turned into an hour, and I still hadn't held my baby. I started to get anxious and emotional. I kept asking the nurses to see him, but they said the NICU was getting him cleaned up and clearing out his lungs and that he would be in my room as soon as they finished with him. I asked if I could go down to see him, but since I had a c-section and epidural, they wouldn't let me stand up for a while. Time kept passing and by the time that one hour had turned into two and I still didn't have my baby, I was bawling my eyes out begging for him. The nurses reminded me again that they were still working on him and offered to give me a sedative since I was so upset. I refused.

Finally, after about 3 hours since his birth, my son was brought to me. He had been bathed, was sleeping and swaddled in a blanket. I tried to nurse him, but he wouldn't wake up. He was exhausted from all that he had been through and slept for a while. When he did wake up, he was really hungry, but we had latching issues. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get him to latch on. He was crying, I was crying, and my husband was watching on not knowing what to do for either of us. The nurses said they would call lactation to come and help me, but by the time they got there, he was so frustrated, we didn't make any headway. They said we would try later, but in the meantime they gave him some formula from a special needs bottle, because that, he would take.

By the time we left the hospital 3 days later, he still hadn't nursed and was drinking formula. He was also quite attached to a pacifier. He was a little bit jaundice as well, and we were sent home with instructions to keep trying to get him to latch on and nurse and put him in sunlight to help with his color. After a few days at home with him drinking formula, and my continuous attempts to nurse him, he finally got the hang of it and latched on to my breast. I was so relieved! I nursed him exclusively from that moment forward until I went back to work at 10 weeks, and then I pumped upon returning to work and he got my milk from a bottle. We never even considered co-sleeping and weren't aware of the benefits of it, so Will slept in his crib from the night we brought him home from the hospital. Especially after returning to work, I found myself exhausted from getting up to go nurse in the middle of the night. Also, soon after I started back to work, I saw my milk production go down. I called lactation consultants for advice and was given some great tips to boost my supply. When Will started sleeping through the night and not waking to nurse, I was still getting up every 2 hours to pump so that I could increase my supply. By the time he was 8 months old, he weaned and that was the end of our breastfeeding relationship. I was sad for it to end.

My 2nd birth and breastfeeding experience with my daughter, Avery
After educating myself as much as I could, I was dead set on attempting an unmedicated, VBAC. I fired my OB and went with a midwife practice and a doula for my next pregnancy and delivery. The pregnancy was uncomplicated, just as my previous one had been. I took a home study course on Hypnobirthing and practiced daily with affirmations and scripts to prepare myself. Two days before my expected due date, I was lying in bed when my water broke. We took our time and went to the hospital and I finally got the VBAC that I had been dreaming of. Since I just recently posted her birth story, I won't repeat it all again now, but you can find it here.

My experience was so much different than my first. The moment I pushed Avery out, they placed her on my chest skin to skin. She cried loudly, then snuggled in and nuzzled me, moving her tiny body up with a push of her little legs and feet. We waited for the cord to stop pulsating and Rob cut it free. Within moments, she was latched onto my breast and was nursing calmly. She stayed there for a good 45 minutes suckling as the midwife and nurses quietly cleaned up and allowed my husband and I time with our baby. They told us to let them know when we were ready and they would weigh her and do her Apgar tests. They never attempted to take her from me, nor did they wipe my smell from her body. She and I just lay there together, chest to chest. She stared at me. I stared at her. Rob watched us together and hugged and kissed us.

Finally I had to get up to go to the restroom, so we allowed them to take her to weigh her and do her Apgar screening. They did it all in the room right there with Rob, my mom and I watching on, and when they were finished, they handed her back to me and she fell asleep in my arms. I held her as they wheeled me down to my postpartum room and she stayed with me there for the majority of the hospital visit. She was never bathed at the hospital as we didn't feel it was necessary, and the nurses never pushed or even suggested it. She continued to nurse just as well as she had during the first moments of her life, though she was really sleepy those first few days and I would have a little trouble waking her up sometimes.

We have been co-sleeping since we brought her home from the hospital and she and I both sleep very well at night. I never got the quality of rest I do now when I was getting out of my bed each night to go nurse Will. I actually get a full night's sleep and wake up feeling rested, which is something that a lot of new moms only hope for. Avery is still nursing like a champ, and since I started back to work 3 weeks ago, I have an oversupply of milk when I pump. Each day, I pump enough milk at work to supply her for the next day and store several bags in the freezer. After only being back for 3 weeks, I have almost a 3 weeks supply stored should she go through a growth spurt or I have a dip in production. I look forward to continuing our breastfeeding relationship. It is one of the most precious things that I shared with Will when he was a baby, and I am again loving the connection I find while nursing Avery.

Both of my experiences, though total opposites of each other, have been beautiful in their own ways. Will was my first child. I had no idea what I was in store for. I was uneducated and naive, but I fought hard to nurse him and overcome the obstacles that were handed to us. I'm so glad I did, and am proud of how he and I worked together to form that relationship. With Avery, things have been easy when it comes to nursing, and she is really attached to me as a result, just as she has been from the moment she left my body. I hope that more women out there will take my stories, educate themselves, stand up and demand more support as nursing mothers. After caring and nurturing our babies for 9 to 10 months inside our wombs, we need the support and encouragement that will make it easier for us to care for and nurture them outside the womb. We deserve that. Our babies deserve it.

Will moments after his birth, getting wiped down under the heat lamps

Avery moments after her birth, meeting us face to face and warming herself on mommy's body

I could say so much more...
L

Opposites

2010-04-06T17:31:00.005-05:00

I fell off the face of the Earth for a while. Also known as, I had a baby and my whole life turned upside down. I've said it before, but Will was a very simple, laid back, and easy child. He slept, he nursed every 3 hours or so, he smiled, and he rarely cried. He and his baby sis are the complete opposite in every sense of the word. She loves to be held, and gets rather upset if you dare to put her down. She also loves to nurse. If she had it her way, she would stay attached to my boob for about 20 out of every 24 hours. She had a penchant for crying as well. She cried A LOT the first 6 weeks of her life. The Dr. said colic was to blame, and it felt nice to have a label or a reason to place upon the 2 hours of screaming that would take place in our house every night, but it didn't give us a solution for it. "Just wait it out, that's all you can do." So, we did. We walked, and bounced, and shushed, and rocked, and swaddled, and burped, and swung, and sang to her. There were nights when I looked at her and begged, "Please, just tell me what I can do." "Please, go to sleep." "Please, stop crying." Of course, my pleas were not answered, so we just kept doing what we knew to do until one day, she stopped crying, started smiling, and started sleeping. She sleeps next to me, always has, nuzzled in the crook of my arm each night. She loves it there. She loves my smell. She loves to sleep nurse ever so quietly. She loves me. She needs me. And I'm there for her. Nothing is more fulfilling than that.

Avery is a high need baby and I love her for that more than anything. I don't fault her for "quirks", I embrace her because of them. I love that she's emotional and passionate. I love that she's serious and clingy. I love her because she is so different from Will, not in spite of it. And I love him more now for the child that he is, because of the child that she is. I never suspected that motherhood would give me this gift. It's been the biggest surprise of this journey so far. Two children who are so opposite from each other, yet still a part of me. Still a part of Rob. Two children who I love more than life itself, for all their many differences.

I'm back,
L

Avery's Birth Day

2010-01-27T09:13:00.004-06:00

Yes, I am a slacker. I had Avery 11 days ago, and I am just now getting around to updating my blog. But hey, in my defense, I had a baby 11 days ago, so life has been a bit busier than usual. Here is the story of her birth along with some pics.

I started having some contractions around 9pm on Friday the 15th. Nothing too intense, so I thought they were just more Braxton Hicks. I was tired and decided to lay in bed and watch TV at around 10. Contractions were still coming, but they weren't that bad. At about 10:40, I felt a pop. I knew it was different than anything I had felt before. I laid there for a couple more minutes and stood up. Water just poured out. I called for Rob and he was able to come in and get a towel underneath me before I had the chance to ruin our carpet. He started to get a little frantic as I stood there laughing at him, pouring water out. We called my parents because they were coming to stay with Will since he was sleeping. The midwife had told me on Thursday that as long as I was at the hospital within a couple of hours, it should be fine. (I had tested positive for Strep B and would need antibiotics administered during the course of my labor.) My parents left right away and live an hour from our place.

As soon as my water broke, I started having pretty strong contractions. I bounced around on my birthing ball, put my relaxation scripts on my IPod and got into hypnosis. I felt really good then. Lots of pressure, but no pain at all.

When my parents arrived at our house, we left and headed to the hospital. We did have to turn the car around and come back to the house after we got about a mile down the road, because we realized that after all that packing we had done, we actually forgot to put the suitcase in the car. Nice. At this point, my contractions were every 3 to 4 minutes apart and getting stronger. While in the car, I continued listening to my scripts and turning myself to the"off" position (a Hypnobabies practice). We arrived at the hospital and got checked in. All the rooms were full and they were cleaning the room that I would be in, so they asked us to wait in the waiting room for a while. The nurse didn't think I was very far along anyway because I was so calm going through the contractions. She estimated me to be about 2 centimeters just from watching me go through a contraction. When we got into the room at 1am (about 5 minutes later), the midwife checked me and was pretty surprised to find out that I was at 6 and most likely in transition. My contractions were now every 2 minutes apart, but I was still able to stay in the groove of my hypnosis, which helped me so much. Rob and our doula were wonderful too, and I couldn't have done it without them. They were talking me through each contraction, encouraging me and using cue words from Hypnobabies to trigger me to relax. I labored mostly on my knees, on the bed with my arms draped over the top because that position felt best. I also had the doula putting a lot of counter pressure on my back. I didn't realize how hard I was having her do it, but after Avery was born, she said, "Man, I bet your back is going to be sore tomorrow. You kept telling me to press harder and harder." I guess she was right because I actually had some bruising on my lower back the next day from it.

Because I was able to stay so calm, the labor progressed quickly. I was breathing deeply through each contraction, making low tone sounds and keeping my jaw loose to help open me up. I asked if they would check me again at almost 3am and I was at 9 centimeters.

At 3:40, I felt my body starting to push by itself which was a crazy feeling, because I wasn't initiating the pushing, my body was just doing it on it's own. The midwife checked me and said I was complete and could push when I wanted with my next contraction. The pushing felt SO good. It was like a huge release. I was on all fours pushing and got her worked down pretty far. Then I went into a squatting position and pushed some more. My legs were pretty shaky, so I had to move from that position pretty quickly. When she started to crown, I got on my back, pulled my legs out and pushed her the rest of the way out in that position. I was still using my hypnosis and cues, so I never felt the "ring of fire," though I did have a small tear that required 2 stitches.

Avery Wynn was born at 4:26am after being in my hospital room for less than 3 & 1/2 hours. She immediately latched on to my breast and nursed for about 45 minutes. About an hour after she was born, they weighed and measured her while I went to the bathroom for the first time. OUCH! She weighed 7 pounds 12 ounces and is 20 inches long. She has a head full of dark hair and has stolen our hearts already. Here we are 11 days later and I still can't stop staring at her. She's so alert and calm (most of the time). She's amazing.

After the delivery, the nurse kept going on and on about how she has never been a part of one like that before. It was fairly quiet, really calm and relaxing. No yelling, screaming or cussing. haha She couldn't believe how well my hypnosis worked and said she was bragging to all the other nurses about it. It just so happened to be her birthday too, which was pretty cool.

I had the "natural childbirth high" that I kept hearing about after my delivery and I never expected it to be that intense. The nurse told me that the adrenaline was coming, but WOW. I had so much energy and adrenaline pulsing through my body that my teeth were literally chattering and my whole body was just shaking like a leaf. I was sitting on the toilet and my knees were knocking together. Crazy stuff! I only slept 2 hours in about a 40 hour time span and I didn't feel tired at all. I was so happy and awake. Our bodies are really amazing.

We brought our girl home on Monday, and have since been adjusting to life as a family of four. She eats well, sleeps a lot (until the middle of the night rolls around) and has captured all of our hearts. Before I had her, I couldn't imagine how our lives would be once she arrived. Now, I can't imagine life without her. It's like she has always been here as part of our family. Will loves her and is such an awesome big brother already. He has adjusted to her beautifully, and though I didn't think it was possible, I love him more now that I have her. I love her. I love my family. I'm tired. I'm a little sore still. I'm not as clean and put together as I would like to be, but I couldn't be happier.

Till next time,
L

Christmas 2009

2010-01-15T12:21:00.008-06:00

After a brief set back with our memory card, I finally got all of our Christmas photos uploaded. Then I looked through them all and realized, "Hey, not too many good pictures from Christmas this year." This is good and bad, I guess. Bad because, not too many good pictures from Christmas this year. Good because, well, we were having too much fun together and enjoying our time with each other to take good pictures. Here are a some that I managed to round up though. Enjoy!

Making Christmas cookies at GrandMomma and GrandDaddy's

There was A LOT of gift opening involved

Christmas Morning...more gifts

And let's not forget about the stocking. Because if you ask Will what he got for Christmas, out of all those expensive presents, the thing he remembers most is "CANDY CANES!!"

Discovering the fish tank that Daddy got him, nicely hid away in Mommy's messy closet

One of his favorite gifts, a real train! Thanks, Grandma!

And, of course, the good ol' clothes handoff. Every kid does it. Rip into present, see clothes, throw them in Mommy's direction.

Hope your Christmas was as memorable as ours was!
L

More Love

2010-01-12T16:45:00.001-06:00

I laid across from him in his big boy bed. It was so dark, I couldn't see him, but I could feel his tiny little hand as he stroked my arm trying to get to sleep. It was still and quiet, the only sound was the soothing hum of the fish tank that Daddy bought him for Christmas. Then he broke the silence.

"I love you, Mommy" out of the blue. There is no feeling better than that one. None. My heart immediately melted into a million pieces just like it does every other time he says those words.

"I love you too, buddy."

Silence again.

We don't make a habit out of laying with him to get him to sleep, but he had been really sick that night and he needed me there. And as sad as it made me that he wasn't feeling good, I really needed him at that moment too. I started thinking about how he would only be my "only" for a while longer. How that very soon there would be someone else to lay across from and care for when she's sick.

"How will I ever love another one as much as I do you?" I said it so loud inside my head that it might as well have been out loud. This is something that I have struggled with since finding out I was pregnant again. It has grown lately since I'm so close to holding another baby. Then almost as though he sensed it, Will said "Sis can come out now, Mommy. She's bigger."

Tears burned my eyes wondering how on earth my heart will ever hold enough love for the both of them.

I still don't know, but I hope to find out soon.

Thirty Nine Weeks

2010-01-12T12:25:00.003-06:00

39 weeks and 2 days pregnant. Only 5 more days to go until my guess date. All I can really say at this point is, I'm ready. I'm ready for the labor and ready to meet my baby. I don't want to be pregnant anymore. This has been a long and exciting ride, and I'm anxious for it to come to an end and move to the next chapter of our lives. I had been experiencing a lot of Braxton Hicks in the past few weeks, but they have completely come to a stop, and I feel a bit like my body is stalling. I felt like I was making some progress, and now, it's as though nothing is happening down there. Who knows. It's all a waiting game at this point. I'm just trying to be patient and know that she'll come when she's ready.

And here's the email for week 39...

How Your Baby is Growing:
Your baby's waiting to greet the world! He continues to build a layer of fat to help control his body temperature after birth, but it's likely he already measures about 20 inches and weighs a bit over 7 pounds, a mini watermelon. (Boys tend to be slightly heavier than girls.) The outer layers of his skin are sloughing off as new skin forms underneath.

Well, it's finally here. Drumroll, please for the....mini watermelon. I feel more like I'm carrying an extra large watermelon right now, but whatever. What do you think next week's fruit or vegetable is going to be? I don't want to be around to find out. Hopefully I'll have a baby in my arms before then.

L

P.S. We had some major technical difficulties with our memory card this weekend. I stuck it in our computer to download the Christmas pictures and nothing happened. Talk about a freak out. Rob worked on it last night though, finally found the problem, and got them uploaded. Whew!! I'll post them tomorrow.

Thirty Eight Weeks

2010-01-06T12:00:00.003-06:00

38 weeks and 3 days pregnant. And yes, I'm going to get technical about it because once you enter those last couple weeks, EVERY DAY COUNTS. I have 11 days until my due (ahem, guess date) and I'm getting anxious to say the least. Will arrived 10 days before his guess date, so my prediction that this little girl is going to be a stubborn one is holding up pretty well at this point. Typically, second pregnancies are shorter than firsts on average by about 5 or 6 days, but that has not held true for this pregnancy.

Let me just say this, I loved being pregnant. Loved it and enjoyed it for about the first 8.78 months. Now that I am at the end, I just want it to be over. All my shirts are getting too short because my stomach is growing straight out at this point, so I spend all day pulling my shirts down and my pants up. And don't even get me started on maternity jeans. They are from the devil. No, literally, when I squeeze them on in the morning, I envision Satan's little minions lined up at sewing machines, flames shooting out around them, stitching the God awful elastic bands onto maternity jeans. I hate them. I really, really hate them. I can't wait to pack them all up in a box and banish them to the attic once this is all said and done. The going to the bathroom in the middle of the night is out of control as well. I'm just to 5 or 6 times every night, so I wake in the morning feeling like I've been in some kind of choppy dream haze. And then I'm ready for a nap in about an hour and a half.

***Men, don't read this next part. Because it's disgusting. And it will gross you out. And you may stop wanting to procreate all together. And that just wouldn't be good for the human race. You've been warned.***

Okay, now that all the guys are gone, what is up with the discharge!? I mean, buckets of it. That's all I'm going to say about that. Oh, and I can't shave down there. In that area. I think it might have something to do with there being a big ol' giant belly in the way and not being able to see that area. It's like throwing a dart in the dark. Pretty pitiful, really.

Now on to much more jolly news. The good thing about keeping Avery on the inside is that she matures and gets stronger all the time. So, I guess I shouldn't be complaining. Bad mommy!

How Your Baby is Growing:
Your baby has really plumped up. She weighs about 6.8 pounds and she's over 19 1/2 inches long (like a leek). She has a firm grasp, which you'll soon be able to test when you hold her hand for the first time! Her organs have matured and are ready for life outside the womb.

Wondering what color your baby's eyes will be? You may not be able to tell right away. If she's born with brown eyes, they'll likely stay brown. If she's born with steel gray or dark blue eyes, they may stay gray or blue or turn green, hazel, or brown by the time she's 9 months old. That's because a child's irises (the colored part of the eye) may gain more pigment in the months after she's born, but they usually won't get "lighter" or more blue. (Green, hazel, and brown eyes have more pigment than gray or blue eyes.)

It's funny that they are still using length on these comparisons, because lately Will has been telling me that Sis can't come out yet because she isn't tall enough. He'll stretch his little hand far above his head and say, "She has to be THIIIIIS tall to come out, Mommy." Great, so I'm going to give birth to a toddler! However, just yesterday, he informed me that "Sis is taller now, Mommy. She can come out." Thank God! I hope she heard him in there. Though he's also been getting up to my stomach and saying, "Come out Sis so we can play trucks!" I don't have the heart to tell him that it might be a while before she's running around the floor with him.

Hopefully there will be a baby before next week's update. PLEASE!

L

P.S. I know I said that I would get a Christmas update on the site last week and I didn't do it. I've been a bit preoccupied to say the least. I will get it done in the next couple of days though. Cross my heart!

Thirty Seven Weeks

2009-12-30T11:15:00.003-06:00

37 weeks and now officially full term. I don't know about other women, but it seems that each time I hit that mark, I'm done and don't want to be pregnant anymore. I was really hoping that Avery was going to surprise us and be a 2009 baby, but seeing as how today is the 30th, things aren't looking too good. I go in for my 37 week check up today, but that will just consist of the midwife measuring my belly, checking my blood pressure and doing a Strep B culture. I won't go into all the gory details of how they do a Strep B test, but I will tell you this, it involves a long Q-tip and your rectum. Use your imagination. I can't wait for the it. These last few weeks are so much fun with the no sleeping, waddling, total inability to tie your shoes, and getting long objects jammed up your butt hole. Woooohooo!

And here is the email for week 37. Only a few more of these. I HOPE!

How Your Baby is Growing:
Congratulations — your baby is full term! This means that if your baby arrives now, his lungs should be fully mature and ready to adjust to life outside the womb, even though your due date is still three weeks away.

Your baby weighs 6 1/3 pounds and measures a bit over 19 inches, head to heel (like a stalk of Swiss chard). Many babies have a full head of hair at birth, with locks from 1/2 inch to 1 1/2 inches long. But don't be surprised if your baby's hair isn't the same color as yours. Dark-haired couples are sometimes thrown for a loop when their children come out as blonds or redheads, and fair-haired couples have been surprised by Elvis look-alikes. And then, of course, some babies sport only peach fuzz.

I find it humorous that they are no longer trying to come up with a sizable fruit to compare in weight and are just sticking to the length of the baby. I'm still waiting on the watermelon. That has to be week 40 right?

Until next time...or until this baby makes an appearance,
L

P.S. Christmas update coming soon.

Thirty Six Weeks

2009-12-22T12:37:00.004-06:00

36 weeks down, 4 weeks to go. According to my ultrasound, the baby will be measuring 37 weeks on Sunday which means she will be full term and can safely come any time after that. I can't believe we have almost made it. I keep telling people that I think she will arrive early, so she most certainly will be as late as possible since I put that out there. I would be more than happy for her to make an appearance any day now though. Except Christmas, please. I really want to spend that time with Rob and Will, and be together for our last holiday as a family of three. I am as excited (if not more) about Christmas as Will is, and am counting down the days to see his face on Christmas morning. Hopefully soon after Christmas comes and goes, we'll see Avery's face for the first time. I have my fingers crossed that she'll be a 2009 baby. Again, totally jinxing myself here.

Week 36 email...

How Your Baby is Growing:
Your baby is still packing on the pounds — at the rate of about an ounce a day. She now weighs almost 6 pounds (like a crenshaw melon) and is more than 18 1/2 inches long. She's shedding most of the downy covering of hair that covered her body as well as the vernix caseosa, the waxy substance that covered and protected her skin during her nine-month amniotic bath. Your baby swallows both of these substances, along with other secretions, resulting in a blackish mixture, called meconium, will form the contents of her first bowel movement.

At the end of this week, your baby will be considered full-term. (Full-term is 37 to 42 weeks; babies born before 37 weeks are pre-term and those born after 42 are post-term.) Most likely she's in a head-down position. But if she isn't, your practitioner may suggest scheduling an "external cephalic version," which is a fancy way of saying she'll try to coax your baby into a head-down position by manipulating her from the outside of your belly.

Once again, I had no earthly idea what a crenshaw melon was. Apparently, it is a hybrid of a casaba melon and a Persian melon. Yeah, I have no clue what either of those are either. Basically, it's a big freakin' melon, okay? And it sits right on top of my bladder. And gooses me in the ribs. And head butts my pelvis. Can your melons do that?

And here is a picture of my big ol' 36 week belly. It definitely looks like there is a little more than a melon in there.

Hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas with their families!

Until next time,
L

The Magic of Christmas

2009-12-17T12:40:00.005-06:00

We all have memories that are permanently embedded in our minds from our childhood, and I am very blessed that the majority of my memories very pleasant and happy ones. Some of my best and favorite memories are from Christmas. I'll never forget how excited I would feel as I lay in bed on Christmas Eve listening as hard as I could for the sound of Santa's sleigh landing on our roof, anticipating what the next morning would bring. Or how thrilled I would feel the next morning when I awoke and realized Christmas was finally here, and I'd rush down our stairs to find what Santa had left for me. I know it sounds like a cliche, but it was truly such a magical time.

Now that Will is getting a little older, he is really into Christmas as well. He loves Santa, and says his name with so much excitement that it melts my heart. He's anxious to open his presents that are underneath the tree, and he's more than happy to tell you what he would like for Christmas. "Cars, trucks and chocolate, please." We have been having a lot of fun this season riding around looking at the Christmas lights on all the houses, hearing Will shout, "WOW, look at that one, Mommy!" and "Daddy, did you see that one!?"

We've been drinking hot chocolate, trimming our tree, decorating the house, watching every Christmas movie and special imaginable, and doing fun little Christmas crafts. Will has been eating up every moment of it. He really loved hanging the ornaments on the tree, and still enjoys moving them around when we're not looking. Last week, I looked at the tree to find about 10 bulbs on one drooping branch.

But as much as Will has enjoyed participating in all the Christmas preparations, by far the most fun he has had this season was going to visit Santa. We talked about it all day, all weekend really, and when the time finally arrived to go sit in Santa's lap, he could have burst with excitement. As we stood in line, he peered over the tops of everyone's head as Rob held him. He just wanted to get a glimpse of Santa, and once he did, he wouldn't take his eyes off of him. When we finally reached the front of the line and it was Will's turn, Rob sat him down, and whispered "Your turn, buddy," and he ran and jumped in Santa's lap like he was an old friend. It was one of the sweetest things I've ever seen, and though I know I'm a bit biased when it comes to my child, I don't think there has ever been a more precious Santa picture than the one I took of he and Will this year. It sums up how amazed he is by all of this Christmas business, and I hope that wonderment sticks around for a long time to come.

Merry Christmas,
L

Thirty Five Weeks

2009-12-16T10:50:00.004-06:00

35 weeks, and the end of this pregnancy seems to really be creeping up on me. We have something to do pretty much every weekend before my "guess date, and since the holidays are almost here, I know it's just going to fly by us. We didn't get the nursery finished this past weekend. My son decided that it would be a great time to start waking up at 4am in the morning to start the day. So needless to say, when nap time rolled around that afternoon, I hit the sack too. Maybe this is just Will's way of preparing me for those middle of the night feedings. That's what I'm telling myself anyway. He's just trying to help his mommy out.

This weekend, we ARE going to complete the nursery. There is really no time to put it off anymore, and I am going to go crazy if it doesn't get done, so it will be in everyone's best interest to make it happen. There are just a few finishing touches that need to be done, and then I can rest easy.

I've been having a lot of practice "pressure waves" (Hypnobabies speak for contractions) this week, and I go for my next check up with the midwives on Friday. Hopefully they will check me to make sure everything is where it should be. It's still a little bit early as I won't be full term until next weekend, so I need her to stay in there until it's safe for her to make her entrance into the world.

And here's the email for week 35.

How Your Baby is Growing:
Your baby doesn't have much room to maneuver now that he's over 18 inches long and tips the scales at 5 1/4 pounds (pick up a honeydew melon). Because it's so snug in your womb, he isn't likely to be doing somersaults anymore, but the number of times he kicks should remain about the same. His kidneys are fully developed now, and his liver can process some waste products. Most of his basic physical development is now complete — he'll spend the next few weeks putting on weight.

I think my little honeydew melon has dropped. I need to go to the bathroom a lot more (didn't know that was possible) than I used to, and my crotch feels like it's going to fall to my feet. There is A LOT of pressure down there. When I stand after sitting or lying down for a while, it takes me a minute to get going because I fear the baby might just drop out. Oh, if it were only that easy.

Happy Wednesday,
L

Thirty Four Weeks

2009-12-09T10:40:00.010-06:00

Week 34 is here in full effect. It's getting harder to tie my shoes, bend over to pick things up, and find a position in bed that doesn't make my hip feel like it's going to fall off or my arm fall asleep. I'm entering that "I'm-So-Uncomfortable-Get-This-Baby-Out" territory. I'm not quite there yet, and trying to be as patient as possible. It gets a little hard when you can't remember what it was like to not be pregnant though. When you look at pictures of yourself as a non pregnant person and think, "Who on earth is that!?" I want to sleep on my stomach so badly, it's not even funny. I would love to only need to pee 10 times a day rather than 27. I want to run on the treadmill as fast as I can. I want a big ol' margarita! Whew! It felt good to get that out.

This weekend, the nursery will be completed. We have everything bought and laying in her room, it just needs to be put together. Next week, I'll post photos.

Here's the email for week 34.

How Your Baby is Growing:
Your baby now weighs about 4 3/4 pounds (like your average cantaloupe) and is almost 18 inches long. Her fat layers — which will help regulate her body temperature once she's born — are filling her out, making her rounder. Her skin is also smoother than ever. Her central nervous system is maturing and her lungs are continuing to mature as well. If you've been nervous about preterm labor, you'll be happy to know that babies born between 34 and 37 weeks who have no other health problems generally do fine. They may need a short stay in the neonatal nursery and may have a few short-term health issues, but in the long run, they usually do as well as full-term babies.

The little cantaloupe is a spitfire. She moves around more than Will ever did. We knew when we had a calm and peaceful baby who slept through the night that we would pay for it later. I have a feeling that Avery is going to be the complete opposite of her big bro. Where he is laid back and easy going, she is going to be utterly crazy and bouncing off the walls. As I typed that, she gave me a swift kick to the ribs. I'm telling you, this girl is going to be trouble.

And I promised some shower photos last week that I never delivered. I have been pretty busy and just honestly haven't had the time to do it. But here they are now, better late than never. (I hope.)

I couldn't be more thankful for the women at my church who put together this shower and came to support us. I was truly blown away by everyone's generosity.

The cake (one of the most important elements at a baby shower)

Did I mention that this was a joint shower for me and another friend at church? She was due in December (had her baby last week) and since our due dates were so close and we are both having the opposite sex of what we already had, they decided to throw us this little shindig.

Belly to belly

I got SO many great thing. Clothes, towels, breast pads (uber importante), bouncy seat, blankets, diaper bag....the list goes on. There were so many adorable things that I made faces like this.

And this

And this apparently

What can I say, after 3 years of shopping in the tiny boy's section, girl clothes make me happy.

And here's a pic of my mom and I (who looks young enough to be my sister instead). I was so glad she was able to come. It was a special day.

Till next time,
L

Thirty Three Weeks

2009-12-02T10:36:00.005-06:00

With Thanksgiving this past week, time has really flown by. We had a great time with family, I got a ton of shopping done on Black Friday (yes, I'm one of those people) and Rob and I made a lot of progress on the nursery. If I get a second wind of that crazy nesting energy come this weekend, I'll have it all done. I managed to wash all of Avery's clothes and put them away on Saturday. There were three LARGE loads, and let me tell you, that's a lot when the clothes are so tiny. I truly can't believe all the stuff she has to wear. It's going to be fun to put her in a different outfit every day, and at the rate I'm accumulating stuff, I'll have to in order for her to wear it all.

I'm feeling pretty good. My back hurts some and I basically just feel pretty large, but I'm hanging in there. I know the end of this pregnancy is near, so I'm trying my best to enjoy it while it lasts and spend as much quality "only child time" that I can with Will before the new one comes along and totally throws our comfy little family for a loop.

Here is the email for week 33. Only 7 weeks until my guess date, but 4 more until I'm full term. It's crazy to think that she could actually be here at the end of this month. GULP.

This week your baby weighs a little over 4 pounds (heft a pineapple) and has passed the 17-inch mark. He's rapidly losing that wrinkled, alien look and his skeleton is hardening. The bones in his skull aren't fused together, which allows them to move and slightly overlap, thus making it easier for him to fit through the birth canal. (The pressure on the head during birth is so intense that many babies are born with a conehead-like appearance.) These bones don't entirely fuse until early adulthood, so they can grow as his brain and other tissue expands during infancy and childhood.

Man, I love me some pineapple!! There are old wives tales that say that it can have a labor inducing effect in pregnancy if you eat a lot of it. So come the new year, if you see me consuming whole pineapples, don't ask. And if you're looking for a good Christmas present to buy me, pineapple, red raspberry tea, eggplant Parmesan and castor oil is at the top of my list. ;)

Till next time,
L

P.S. I had an awesome shower at church weekend before last and I have been totally slacking on getting the pictures uploaded. I am going to do that tonight though, so look for a shower post tomorrow.

Thirty Two Weeks

2009-11-24T16:46:00.004-06:00

Well, I am now eight months pregnant now, and boy do I feel like it all of a sudden. My body is tired and achy this week. My back is starting to hurt, and I have a ton of pressure in my pelvis. Eight more weeks until my "guess date," but only five until I'm full term. Since Will was 10 days early, I have always felt this baby will be early too. Plus, I've been having a lot of Braxton Hicks (practice contractions) this time around which I never had with Will. Apparently, according to my midwife, there is a lot more uterine activity with subsequent pregnancies compared to the first one. Whatever that means.

I say that this baby is going to come early and I have all these mommy instincts about it now, but I'm most certainly completely jinxing myself with all that talk. She probably hears me in there and is now planning on coming about 2 weeks late just to show me who's boss. As long as she doesn't come on Will's birthday, or close enough to his birthday that I will be in the hospital on that day, I don't really care when she arrives. It would break my heart to be away from my little guy on his birthday though. It's going to be hard enough being separated from him while I'm in the hospital as it is.

Here is the email from the gurus for this week...

How Your Baby is Growing:
By now, your baby weighs 3.75 pounds (pick up a large jicama) and is about 16.7 inches long, taking up a lot of space in your uterus. You're gaining about a pound a week and roughly half of that goes right to your baby. In fact, she'll gain a third to half of her birth weight during the next 7 weeks as she fattens up for survival outside the womb. She now has toenails, fingernails, and real hair (or at least respectable peach fuzz). Her skin is becoming soft and smooth as she plumps up in preparation for birth.

I had no clue what on earth a jicama is, but according to Wikipedia, it's a Mexcian turnip. Interesting. You'd think I'd be a bit more knowledgable about these things with all of the Top Chef and Food Network that I watch.

Cheers,
L

Father and Son

2009-11-23T12:10:00.003-06:00

When I married Rob, I had a sneaking suspicion that he would be a great dad. I really had no idea just how great though. I didn't know that he would lay with him every night before bed, make up silly songs, and do alligator shapes on the wall. I didn't know that he would miss him while he slept. I didn't foresee how huge and deep their relationship would become. I knew he would love his son, and I knew Will would love him, but I had no idea how completely and utterly smitten they would be with each other. Then little moments like this happen and I'm reminded of how blessed I am to have them both, and how lucky they are to have each other.

Have a happy week,
L

Thirty One Weeks

2009-11-17T16:07:00.004-06:00

I have 9 weeks to go until my "guess date," but I will be full term in 6 weeks. It's hard to believe that she could actually be arriving in 6 weeks. WOW. Everything isn't ready for her, but I am. I'm becoming increasingly uncomfortable these days. I am still sleeping, but I toss and turn all night from my left to my right side. I snore like a bear as well. (Or so Rob claims.) I get up quite a bit in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. My bladder feels like it's about the size of a pea right now. My heartburn is back with a vengeance regardless of whether I eat small and frequent meals, steer clear of spicy foods, or all those other things they tell you to do to avoid it. I drank a glass of water the other day and got heartburn. How is that even possible? My favorite "new" pregnancy side effect however is that my boobs now touch my stomach. Yep, you read that right. If I don't have a bra on, MY BOOBS LAY ON MY STOMACH. (That one is not in the What to Expect When You're Expecting book, ladies, but it happens.) It grosses me out more than I can tell you, so I try and keep a bra on at all times, which isn't really my idea of a good time either. Pregnancy is full of tough choices and the "let my boobs touch my stomach or wear a bra 24/7" decision is a real doozy. Sacrifices must be made.

And here's the email for week 31...

How Your Baby is Growing:
This week, your baby measures over 16 inches long. He weighs about 3.3 pounds (try carrying four navel oranges) and is heading into a growth spurt. He can turn his head from side to side, and his arms, legs, and body are beginning to plump out as needed fat accumulates underneath his skin. He's probably moving a lot, too, so you may have trouble sleeping because your baby's kicks and somersaults keep you up. Take comfort: All this moving is a sign that your baby is active and healthy.

Really? Four navel oranges? That's the best they could come up with? I think it's totally cheating that they are throwing multiple vegetables into the pool now. I want to see some crazy hybrid cantaloupe/watermelon picture. It's the least they can do really.

And here is a belly pic that was taken a couple days ago. Okay, so I'm not officially 31 weeks here, but pretty darn close.

Have a happy week,
L

Thirty Weeks

2009-11-11T09:53:00.002-06:00

Only 10 weeks to go. My nesting phase is really starting to kick in. I've got this sudden urge to move furniture around and decorate. Rob is in real trouble. This past weekend, we bought the paint for Avery's room and he painted it (thanks, honey). I love the color, and can't wait to assemble the crib and put on all the finishing touches. Remember a couple weeks back when I said that I was going to take it easy, be patient and just wait to work on her room until later in the 3rd trimester? Yeah, I lied. I need it done. Like now. For my sanity and all.

In other pregnancy news, my belly seems to be growing by the day and I have to pee at least 17 times a day (5 of those being in the middle of the night). As a result, my hands are super dry from the constant washing. I need to invest in a good lotion before my skin falls off. My boobs are out of control as well. I'm now a very full C, pushing a D. I know that doesn't sound big to all of those ample bosomed ladies out there, but for a girl who has always been somewhat lacking in the chest department, this is a big jump for me. It grosses me out for some reason, and every time I look at my boobs and think "YUCK!!", I remind myself of all those years in middle school when I prayed for a larger chest. This is my punishment for that. I should have never been so judgmental of my small chest. Just wait till my milk comes in. I can't even fathom how big those suckers will swell then. Ew.

And here's the email for week 30...

How Your Baby is Growing:
Your baby's about 15.7 inches long now, and she weighs almost 3 pounds (like a head of cabbage). A pint and a half of amniotic fluid surrounds her, but that volume will decrease as she gets bigger and takes up more room in your uterus. Her eyesight continues to develop, though it's not very keen; even after she's born, she'll keep her eyes closed for a good part of the day. When she does open them, she'll respond to changes in light but will have 20/400 vision — which means she can only make out objects a few inches from her face. (Normal adult vision is 20/20.)

Remember how she was a Chinese cabbage a couple of weeks back? Now she's just a regular ol' cabbage. I told you they were going to start running out of vegetables. I resist the urge to skip ahead and see what next weeks fruit or vegetable will be, but it really kills me to do so sometimes. I know there is going to have to be a watermelon in there at some point, but I believe they are saving that baby up for the big finale.

Cheers,
L

Boo!

2009-11-06T15:49:00.005-06:00

Last weekend was Halloween, and Will has reached the age where he was actually excited and anxious about it. It probably helped that we had been jazzing him all week about going trick or treating. Come Saturday, he was ready to bust. He wanted to be a race car driver this year, because well, the kid loves race cars. He dreams about racing, and will inform me in the morning, "I beat you, Mommy," after he awakes from his race car dreams in which he always emerges the winner. When he grows up he wants to "go real fast," so naturally we couldn't deny the kid his race car costume.

He really thought he was something in it too. He wouldn't smile when Rob took his picture, because this is no joking matter.

The Fast and the Serious

Once or twice, he couldn't help it and cracked a grin though. After all, he was about to go get a butt load of candy from a bunch of complete strangers. Who wouldn't be happy about that?

When the time finally arrived, he and Ripley ran from house to house like they had been training for this since birth. They stuck their little buckets out, exclaimed TRICK OR TREAT, and got so much candy, they could hardly carry it by the end of the night. When got home, Will dumped his bucket and I finally understood the meaning of the saying, "Like a kid in a candy store."

Bedtime that night was.....interesting.

Happy weekend,
L

Twenty Nine Weeks

2009-11-03T16:57:00.004-06:00

29 weeks. So close, yet so far away. I've been concentrating on doing my Hypnobabies home study course so that I can have a natural VBAC this time around. I really love the program. If it doesn't do anything else for me, it is making me more positive and confident throughout this pregnancy. I listen to my scripts every night and though I was a cynic at first, I'm a believer now after seeing how quickly I can put myself into hypnosis. I just have to keep trusting that it is going to work for me come Avery's birthday. I'm becoming more and more assured that it will.

And here is the email for week 29...

How Your Baby is Growing:
Your baby now weighs about 2 1/2 pounds (like a butternut squash) and is a tad over 15 inches long from head to heel. His muscles and lungs are continuing to mature, and his head is growing bigger to make room for his developing brain. To meet his increasing nutritional demands, you'll need plenty of protein, vitamins C, folic acid, and iron. And because his bones are soaking up lots of calcium, be sure to drink your milk (or find another good source of calcium, such as cheese, yogurt, or enriched orange juice). This trimester, about 250 milligrams of calcium are deposited in your baby's hardening skeleton each day.

That squash looks huge next to the quarter, right? I can't believe that she's almost 3 pounds in there now. Then she rolls over, kicks me in the ribs and tries to poke a body part out of my belly button and I'm all, OH YEAH, I can believe it!

Halloween stories and pics coming in the next couple of days. Hang on to your hats.

L

Twenty Eight Weeks

2009-10-28T09:52:00.005-05:00

It's the third trimester, baby! Bring on the sciatica and the swollen ankles! Wooohooo! Honestly, I'm excited/scared/anxious/conflicted/panicked/elated to be getting so close. We still have so much to do to prepare for Avery's arrival. The nursery isn't painted, we haven't bought a dresser yet, the glider hasn't been reupholstered, and I haven't washed one stitch of her clothes. By this point in my pregnancy with Will, everything was set up perfectly in his room, and I was just waiting around for him to get here. You learn from your mistakes. If I learned anything from my first pregnancy, it's that the longest part of the pregnancy is the third trimester. It's a whole lot of hurry up and wait. Once you pass the threshold of 37 weeks and you're considered full term, it seems like things come to a complete halt. You want the baby out and you want them out now. I have resolved to be more patient this time around in that regard, so I'm figuring if I have a few loads of laundry to do, that might take my mind off of the delivery a bit. Patience is a virtue, patience is a virtue....say it with me.

I went for my checkup yesterday and she is doing just fine in there. As soon as my midwife put the doppler on my stomach to check for her heartbeat, she proceeded to try and kick it off repeatedly. I think my midwife's exact words were, "Wow, your baby has an attitude already." Rob was delighted to hear this news.

And here's the email for week 28....

How Your Baby is Growing
By this week, your baby weighs two and a quarter pounds (like a Chinese cabbage) and measures 14.8 inches from the top of her head to her heels. She can blink her eyes, which now sport lashes. With her eyesight developing, she may be able to see the light that filters in through your womb. She's also developing billions of neurons in her brain and adding more body fat in preparation for life in the outside world.

Here they go again with these uber specific vegetables. Chinese caggage. Ewwww! Not a fan of cabbage in any form. My granny used to cook it from time to time and I would come in the house holding my nose because of that rancid smell.

I also have a new belly picture for this week. I'm starting to feel REALLY big and I've still got 12 weeks to go. I only want to gain 15 more pounds (if that) and I've got all the yummy holiday food to plow through. God help me.

L

Twenty Seven Weeks

2009-10-20T17:43:00.004-05:00

Today marks the beginning of week 27 of my pregnancy, and I decided to start it off with a bang by getting a terrible, miserable, nasty cold. Kleenex is my BFF right now as I'm blowing my nose about 216 times a day. I met with this great pharmacist today too who pretty much told me that the only suggestion that she had for me was to keep taking the medicine that I'm already taking. I wondered for a minute if they taught any common sense in pharmacy school, because why on earth would I be at the drugstore seeking out a different medication if the one I'm already taking is working out??? Just sayin'.

The sickness doesn't seem to be effecting Avery too much. She's in there beating around just like she always has. She kicks so hard sometimes, that I about jump out of my seat. Rob just looks at me like I'm crazy, at which point I try to explain to him the feeling of being goosed from the inside directly in the bladder.

Here's what the little Ms. is up to this week according to the gurus.

This week, your baby weighs almost 2 pounds (like a head of cauliflower) and is about 14 1/2 inches long with her legs extended. She's sleeping and waking at regular intervals, opening and closing her eyes, and perhaps even sucking her fingers. With more brain tissue developing, your baby's brain is very active now. While her lungs are still immature, they would be capable of functioning — with a lot of medical help — if she were to be born now. Chalk up any tiny rhythmic movements you may be feeling to a case of baby hiccups, which may be common from now on. Each episode usually lasts only a few moments, and they don't bother her, so just relax and enjoy the tickle.

Since reading this, cauliflower is sounding really good. I have a head at home that I've been planning on mashing. Has anyone ever tried mashed cauliflower? I hear that it's a great substitute to mashed potatoes without all those pesky carbs and calories. I'll let you know if it tastes like cardboard.

And on the next episode of this crazy sitcom known as my life....
Molar Hell and the Toddler who Can't Sleep.

Stay tuned,
L

The Great Name Debate

2009-10-14T14:57:00.003-05:00

After several agonizing months of back and forth between Rob and I over the name of our new addition, we have finally come to an agreement.

And we shall call her....

Avery Wynn

The End.

P.S. If you hate it, please keep it to yourself. Thank you for your cooperation.

Twenty Six Weeks

2009-10-14T10:28:00.004-05:00

I'm 26 weeks along in this pregnancy, which means that I'm into the double digits of the countdown. I now have 97 days until my due date. When you put it that way, it doesn't seem like long at all. I'm excited, and at the same time, it makes me want to panic just a little bit. We finally get to start on the nursery this weekend, because the bedding arrived and I bought a glider. Things are starting to come together, and I haven't even had to hurt Rob yet. Score!

Here is the email about our baby girl this week.

How Your Baby is Growing:
The network of nerves in your baby's ears is better developed and more sensitive than before. He may now be able to hear both your voice and your partner's as you chat with each other. He's inhaling and exhaling small amounts of amniotic fluid, which is essential for the development of his lungs. These so-called breathing movements are also good practice for when he's born and takes that first gulp of air. And he's continuing to put on baby fat. He now weighs about a pound and two-thirds and measures 14 inches (an English hothouse cucumber) from head to heel. If you're having a boy, his testicles are beginning to descend into his scrotum — a trip that will take about two to three days.

An English hothouse cucumber, huh? Not just any regular ol' cucumber, an English hothouse one! I told you they were going to start running out of vegetables to compare this kid to.

Till next time,
L

Doubt

2009-10-09T12:14:00.003-05:00

We all have those mornings in which absolutely everything goes wrong. The ones that slap you out of sleep and declare, "Hello there, I'm just here to make your day miserable. Now let's get this party started." The mornings when you step out of bed and immediately stub your toe on the nightstand. Then you slip and fall in the shower, your hair dryer stops working and all of your clothes shrunk a size hanging in your closet overnight. You know those mornings, right? We've all been cursed by them, and unfortunately there is no way to escape them. Having those mornings from time to time is just the sacrifice that we make for being granted another day.

I had one on Wednesday. It was so bad, in fact, it's taken me two days to gain the strength to write about it. I woke up 10 minutes late with a splitting headache. Strike one. When Will woke up, he apparently had decided that this was a day to just rage. He whined and cried about everything. EVERY.SINGLE.THING. He had a full blown meltdown when I told him it was time to get in the shower. Screaming, sobbing, thrashing around on the carpet while I attempted to remove his pajamas. Let me just tell you, trying to get a kid's pajamas off of their body while they are convulsing all over the floor is no easy task. I finally got him undressed and in the shower, but he cried "I CAN'T TAKE A SHOWER!!!" the entire time. Strike two. Getting him dried off and getting his clothes on after the shower was an equally daunting task. By this point, he was so mad that he was fighting everything. He decided between sobs that he wanted toaster muffins for breakfast. I threw them in the toaster and went to get myself dressed. My black shirt had lint all over it, and I couldn't find the lint roller. In between looking high and low for it, I grabbed the muffins out of the toaster, threw them on a plate and took them to Will. Found the lint roller, but realized while rolling that my shirt, (one that I had bought about 2 weeks ago and wore one other time), now had a hole in it. I took some deep breaths and found another shirt. Meanwhile, I could still hear Will whining in the other room. Something about "MY MUFFIN!" and "FIX IT!" Apparently, when I removed his muffins from the toaster, a tiny piece of one of the muffins tore off.

Stop right there. To any normal person, this isn't a huge deal. Who cares that a little piece of the muffin broke off, right? Let me tell you who cares...Will cares! This kid has an abnormal aversion to food that breaks in any way. Granola bars should be banned from our house because of the way they tend to crumble. It's just too much for his little mind to comprehend. He simply can't take it.

I gently tried explaining to him that I couldn't reattach the torn piece back onto the muffin. You would have thought that I had said to him, "All of the toys in the world will be destroyed and you will never again be allowed to play," because another meltdown of gargantuan proportions ensued. He decides that he doesn't want the muffins at all then. I take them away and go to put on my shoes. OKAY, WHERE ARE MY SHOES?? I search and can't find them while listening to Will whine, "I want my muffins!" I ignored him. I remembered that the shoes I was looking for were in the car.

I threw our lunch into a bag and told Will it was time to go. (At this point, we're already 5 minutes late leaving the house.) He cries that he wants me to carry him out to the car. I grab Will up, snap at Rob and he snaps back.

Strike 3.

Tears. Tears and tears and more tears. I cried for torn muffins, and new shirts with holes in them, and headaches that wake you up in the morning, and kids that don't want to take showers. I cried for couples who snap at each other when things don't go right. Mostly though, I cried because of doubt. Doubt in my ability to be a mom to two kids, when look at me, I can't even do it with one! All these feelings of inadequacy just came washing over me, and I started to question if I can really make it work when I have two kids screaming instead of one. I found myself saying out loud, "I can't do this," which made me cry harder. Now, I thought, I'm a mom who can't hold it together and is crying in front of her kid. Will was silent and concerned as I strapped him into his car seat, and let the tears just roll down my cheeks. I got in the car, dried my face, and told myself that I am going to be a wonderful mother to both of my children. I told myself that people do it every single day, and make it work, and I'll be no exception. I told myself that it's normal to have these days and tomorrow would be better. I told myself all of that, but deep down, I thought I was lying. But you know what, the next day was better. Will was an angel, my shirt didn't have a hole in it, my shoes were in my closet, and there were no broken muffins. These are the kinds of days that make all the other ones worthwhile.

Happy weekend,
L

Twenty Five Weeks

2009-10-07T08:38:00.002-05:00

I'm 25 weeks now and it feels as though my progress with this pregnancy has come to a stop. Time was going really quickly in the beginning, and now it seems to be trudging along very slowly. I'm sure that once the holidays come, it will fly right past me though, so I'm going to just enjoy this time while I can.

This past week in my pregnancy has been fairly uneventful. The heartburn has calmed down a bit (knock on wood), I've been sleeping well and I really don't have any complaints at all. I even found a way to stop stressing over the stupid bedding. I just found something I love and bought it. That should put an end to the madness. I can't wait for it to come in so that we can match a paint color and start on the nursery. (I.E. So that we can match a paint color and ROB can start painting the nursery.)

Here's what's going on with the gal this week.

How Your Baby's Growing
Head to heels, your baby now measures about 13 1/2 inches. Her weight — a pound and a half — isn't much more than an average rutabaga, but she's beginning to exchange her long, lean look for some baby fat. As she does, her wrinkled skin will begin to smooth out and she'll start to look more and more like a newborn. She's also growing more hair — and if you could see it, you'd now be able to discern its color and texture.

A rutabaga? I can honestly say, I've never had one in my life. I don't think I had ever even seen a rutabaga before. What does it taste like? Maybe I'm missing out on something special here? Let me know.

Oh, and here's a 25 week belly shot. I finally have that undeniable baby belly...I hope!

L

Strike a Pose

2009-10-01T16:49:00.005-05:00

Will is a fairly agreeable guy. 97% of the time, he does what he is being asked and doesn't put up too much of a fight. The other 3%, he's a raving maniac also known as "toddler." That being said, he's never been much of a fan of getting his picture taken. I pull out my camera and he's all "NO, Mommy! STOP!" So, I have a lot of pictures of the kid's hand up in front of his face. Thank God for digital technology, so that I can delete the 27 terrible pictures of him frowning and keep that one good one that he wasn't aware I was snapping.

Knowing all of this, when his preschool sent home a note saying that they would be getting their pictures taken, I kind of giggled under my breath and thought, "Yeah, good luck with that." Imagine my surprise when we got the pictures back and not only is he smiling, he's posing like he's been doing this for years.

This one is the most (read: only) normal one of the bunch. He's smiling. He's happy. He's just a kid at preschool getting his picture taken.

This next one had me laughing so hard, I was crying. So natural. HA!

Oh, and this last one. What can I say. It's a crisp, fall day, and he's sitting outside leaned against a park bench just pondering the meaning of life. You know, because he sits just like this ALL the time at home with his hands in the grandma clasped position.

Disclaimer: If you are my family and would like any of these lovely glamour shots, let me know. I will have to order them directly from the company, so that they won't hunt me down and jail me for reproduction infringement. Thank you for your cooperation.

L

Twenty Four Weeks

2009-09-30T10:31:00.006-05:00

I'm a day behind, so officially today I'm 24 weeks and 1 day pregnant. Yesterday was a mess, and I just couldn't find the time to update my blog. I've got a lot of craziness going on in my head, all of which I am going to blame solely on hormones. (This is one of the lovely advantages to being pregnant. You can be completely and utterly unreasonable and just defer it to hormones.) I'm stressing to the max about the nursery. I want it to be perfect. No, I mean really perfect. For those out there that know absolutely nothing about me at all, I'm a little anal, so this coupled with the fact that I'm extremely hormonal has sent my once controllable tendencies into a place out of reach. I have literally looked at what seems like thousands of crib bedding sets. If it's out there, I've seen it. I hit a bump in the road when I settled on one, sent the link to Rob and he simply replied, "Yeah, I don't like that." WHOA. My head started to spin when I read those words, and I had to talk myself down from the ledge. "Okay, deep breaths. This is not suppose to be happening. Does he have any idea how many horrible butterfly and ladybug prints I've weeded through to find this perfect set!? Does he realize all the thoughts running through my head about gliders and paint colors!? And does he know that the glider has to match the crib, but it also has to match the colors in the bedding and OH MY GOD, it's impossible, I can't do it, MAKE IT STOP." Breathe in, breathe out. After I got through that little tragedy, I went about searching AGAIN for more bedding. Each time I would find something, Rob would respond casually, "Eh, not really feeling that either." At this point, I had a bit of an overreaction and said something along the lines of "FINE. Our kid will just come out with no name, beige walls, and a bare crib to sleep in, because we can't agree on anything!" to which he replied, "Uh, why don't you just get whatever bedding you like that will make you stop being a crazy person and will prevent your head from exploding." (Reason #1937 why I love my husband) So, I now have bedding picked out. And Rob actually likes it. And my head didn't explode. I am still am a bit of a crazy person though. All I have to do now is locate a cheap, white glider that I can re-upholster to my liking. I looked around and haven't found one, but I'm not going to let it freak me out. Yet.

And here is what's going on with The Girl With No Name Who Is Going To Have The Most Perfect Nursery In The Land Whether It Kills Her Mommy Or Not.

How Your Baby is Growing:
Your baby's growing steadily, having gained about 4 ounces since last week. That puts him at just over a pound. Since he's almost a foot long (picture an ear of corn), he cuts a pretty lean figure at this point, but his body is filling out proportionally and he'll soon start to plump up. His brain is also growing quickly now, and his taste buds are continuing to develop. His lungs are developing "branches" of the respiratory "tree" as well as cells that produce surfactant, a substance that will help his air sacs inflate once he hits the outside world. His skin is still thin and translucent, but that will start to change soon.

She's the size of an ear of corn this week. Will would really like this. The kid loves him some corn on the cob. He'll scarf down an entire cob and ask for another. He's an excellent shucker too.

Happy Wednesday,
L

Twenty Three Weeks

2009-09-22T16:47:00.003-05:00

Today starts week 23, which (according to all of the books and gurus) begins the 6th month of pregnancy. I'm not sure where these people studied Math, but I'm going with it. Anything that puts me closer to the finish line is A-OK with me, buddy.

I had my check up today, and it was my first appointment with the new midwife practice I switched to. I had that excited nervousness like I was going on a first date or something. I have only seen my other OBGYN for the last 12 years, so while I knew this is what I wanted, I still had some butterflies over it. Well, let me just tell you, my visit today reaffirmed for me that the decision I made to switch is the best possible one for myself and this pregnancy. I LOVE this practice. The midwife I met with was so friendly and attentive to everything I wanted to discuss. I didn't feel like I was being rushed out of the office because there were 10 other pregnant women waiting for their turn. She measured my stomach, which was at a perfect 23 centimeters and right on track for me being 23 weeks along. She listened to the baby's heartbeat with the doppler and measured the pitter-patter to be about 150 beats per minute. She talked to me at length about why I switched to their practice, my wishes to VBAC and what I want out of this delivery. She didn't once use the terms "dead mommy" or "dead baby" which, believe it or not, was a victory in my eyes. She made me feel normal, and encouraged my wishes for a natural, unmedicated childbirth. (Thank you!) I didn't feel as though I had to defend or explain my reasons for wanting to birth naturally to her, and believe me, I have felt like that a lot lately. She just understood and supported everything that is important to me, and didn't make me feel like I was some sort of crazy person for (GASP!) not wanting an epidural. I couldn't be happier and I truly feel like the midwives at the practice are going to do everything in their power to help me achieve the birth I want.

On to the juicy details about the baby. (No, we still don't have a name. Grrrr!) She is the size of a large mango this week, and I can definitely tell she's packing on the weight in there, because I'm feeling a lot more movement. Good times!

How Your Baby is Growing:
Turn on the radio and sway to the music. With her sense of movement well developed by now, your baby can feel you dance. And now that she's more than 11 inches long and weighs just over a pound (about as much as a large mango), you may be able to see her squirm underneath your clothes. Blood vessels in her lungs are developing to prepare for breathing, and the sounds that your baby's increasingly keen ears pick up are preparing her for entry into the outside world. Loud noises that become familiar now — such as your dog barking or the roar of the vacuum cleaner — probably won't faze her when she hears them outside the womb.

Cheers,
L

Blindsided

2009-09-16T21:21:00.003-05:00

We found out just a little over two weeks ago that we are having a girl. Here is the aftermath of that news...so far.

Things could get ugly around here. I may need an intervention before she even arrives.

L

Twenty Two Weeks

2009-09-15T17:07:00.002-05:00

Week 22 has arrived and it brought a little friend that I was hoping I would never have to meet again. His name is heartburn. And I know it's a "he" because no woman would exact this suffering onto another woman at such a vulnerable time. I have heartburn on occasion when I'm not carrying a person around inside me, but something about being pregnant makes it about 79 times worse than normal. I had it so badly a few nights ago, I was searching the internet for home remedies and subsequently scouring my cabinet for vinegar, because that is suppose to be the magic cure all. FYI for anyone who has never been pregnant, Tums, Rolaids, all that "normal" heartburn medicine you can take, it no longer gives you ONE IOTA of relief. It's one of the cruel jokes that pregnancy plays on you. It falls under the same category of having to pee so bad, you sprint to the bathroom, only to have three tiny little drips come out. But, I digress, I had no vinegar, so I decided on another home remedy, an apple. It actually helped for about 10 minutes, at which point, I developed heartburn from eating it too fast. Bringing life into this world really is a beautiful thing.

But enough about me, on to the stats about the baby. She is the size of a spaghetti squash this week. Is there a difference between regular squash and spaghetti squash? I apparently am not very knowledgeable on all the different variations of squash. You'd think after watching six seasons of Top Chef, I'd know these things.

And here is the email for week 22. My gal is really growing up in there.

At 11 inches (the length of a spaghetti squash) and almost 1 pound, your baby is starting to look like a miniature newborn. His lips, eyelids, and eyebrows are becoming more distinct, and he's even developing tiny tooth buds beneath his gums. His eyes have formed, but his irises (the colored part of the eye) still lack pigment. If you could see inside your womb, you'd be able to spot the fine hair (lanugo) that covers his body and the deep wrinkles on his skin, which he'll sport until he adds a padding of fat to fill them in. Inside his belly, his pancreas — essential for the production of some important hormones — is developing steadily.

Happy trails...
L

Twenty One Weeks

2009-09-08T16:38:00.004-05:00

I'm over the hump. 21 weeks means that more of this pregnancy is behind me than ahead of me. It's exciting and scary-as-all-get-out simultaneously. We are starting the process of crib shopping and getting the nursery ready, and since Will is ready for this step anyway, we decided now would be a grand time to move him from his crib to an official big boy bed. His crib is a lifetime crib, so it conveniently converts to a full sized bed. Babies R Us informed me that the railings are ready to be picked up, so this weekend, my BABY will no longer be sleeping in a crib. Or in the room right next to ours. Can I get a moment of silence, please?? The thought of this invokes so much emotion and panic in me, that I can't even describe it. I mean, he's going to be 5 more steps away from where he usually is, and in a bed that could swallow him whole! Every time I think about it, I want to cry. And I start sweating. And my throat closes up a bit. I hope the transition is easier for him than it is for me. I may end up camping outside his bedroom on a little palette that first night. I'll keep you updated as to how far the crazy takes me on this one.

As far as my other baby goes, she is the length of a carrot this week according to the pregnancy folks. I can tell she's getting bigger and bigger, because there are times she kicks me in the bladder so hard, it's a struggle to keep a little pee from seeping out. (Disclaimer: If you came to this blog to read a filtered and censored depiction of my pregnancy, I suggest you get out of here before I actually make it to labor and delivery, because at this point any and all modesty I once possessed is pretty much out the window. Thank you for your time.)

And here's the email for week 21.

How Your Baby is Growing:
Your baby now weighs about three-quarters of a pound and is approximately 10 1/2 inches long — the length of a carrot. You may soon feel like she's practicing martial arts as her initial fluttering movements turn into full-fledged kicks and nudges. You may also discover a pattern to her activity as you get to know her better. In other developments, your baby's eyebrows and lids are present now, and if you're having a girl, her vagina has begun to form as well.

And just for kicks, here is a 21 week belly pic. I still don't fall into that "definitely pregnant" category. Just the other day at the gym, after going 30 minutes on the elliptical, this workout-crazy 7oish year old man who always goes about an hour on the machine (not even exaggerating), challenges me as I'm stepping off, "You're not giving up already are you? I've still got 10 minutes to go!" I wanted to respond with, "Well, my uterus is the size of a cantaloupe at this point, so I think, considering the circumstances, I'm doing pretty good, thankyouverymuch." Instead, I took a deep breath and said, "Well, I'm about 5 & 1/2 months pregnant, so 30 minutes is about as much as I can handle right now." Everyone on the machines, collectively turned their heads and said things like, "REALLY?" and "I would have never guessed" at the same time. One of these days, I'll start looking pregnant. I'm waiting patiently...

L

Twenty Weeks

2009-09-01T16:33:00.004-05:00

Well, the halfway point is here. I am 20 weeks along, which means that I have 20 weeks to go. It seems like a long time in theory, but I'm sure it will fly by so fast, we won't know what hit us.

To say that this last week has been the most exciting week of the pregnancy, is putting it lightly. Finding out that we are having a girl makes the pregnancy seem much more real. If we could just agree upon a name (ie: when hell freezes over), I could start calling her something more than "the baby." We are having a real struggle over the name. One of my friends predicted that this baby would be a girl simply because we already had the perfect name picked out for a boy, and can't agree on anything for a girl. I fear she will come out at the hospital and we'll have to look at her and say, "Hey, you!" Maybe when we see her, we'll know. I've heard people say that before, but does it really work that way? With Will, he was Will the day we found out he was a boy. He was never anything other than Will, and when I laid eyes on him, it suited him perfectly. Honestly, I'm hoping our new baby comes out and introduces herself. That would really take the pressure off.

Here's the email for week 20 from the gurus. They refer to the baby as "he" this week, but from here on out, I know better.

How Your Baby is Growing:
Your baby weighs about 10 1/2 ounces now. He's also around 6 1/2 inches long from head to bottom and about 10 inches from head to heel — the length of a banana. (For the first 20 weeks, when a baby's legs are curled up against his torso and hard to measure, measurements are taken from the top of his head to his bottom — the "crown to rump" measurement. After 20 weeks, he's measured from head to toe.)

He's swallowing more these days, which is good practice for his digestive system. He's also producing meconium, a black, sticky by-product of digestion. This gooey substance will accumulate in his bowels, and you'll see it in his first soiled diaper (some babies pass meconium in the womb or during delivery).

And, she is the length of a banana this week. I don't know if they mean a regular banana or these crazy, huge, steroid taking bananas I've been buying at the grocery store lately. They are pretty incredible. I had to choose some of the "smaller" bananas, because I thought I wouldn't be able to eat it all in one setting. Freaky!

L

Pink Cake

2009-08-31T15:41:00.002-05:00

To say that I was shocked when we cut the cake on Saturday and saw pink is a huge understatement. I was beyond surprised, I was stunned. I had convinced myself that we were having another boy. I dreamed (several times) that the cake was blue. Aside from some morning sickness in the beginning of this pregnancy, I feel the same as I did when I was pregnant with Will. I am carrying the same, I look the same and I generally feel pretty freaking awesome. So, I totally had no doubt in my mind that I had another boy running around in there. It is taking me quite some time to recover from being wrong. I still find myself mumbling things like, "Wow, pink cake!" or "IT IS A GIRL." I figure if I say it enough, it will eventually sink in.

I should say, however, I am completely and utterly thrilled that I was wrong. I wanted this baby to be a girl so bad, I couldn't stand it. I wanted it to be a girl so badly, that I honestly believe that is the main reason I convinced myself it was a boy. Because then when we cut the cake and it was blue, I could just say "I knew it!" and move on. I wouldn't have to be disappointed that I wasn't having a girl, because I knew it was a boy all along, right? (The mind games we play with ourselves can get a bit complicated.) Don't get me wrong, I would LOVE to have another boy too. When I was pregnant with Will and found it he was a boy, I immediately thought that I would want a girl next, but when he came along, he was so perfect and sweet, I started thinking "Another boy actually wouldn't be so bad." Rob and I really only planned for two kids though, and we wanted to have one of each. We eventually wanted a girl, and had decided if this baby was another boy, maybe we would try again in another few years for our girl and just have three kids instead of two. I just thought there was no way possible it could work out that perfectly. No one wants a boy first and a girl next and actually gets it, right? I didn't believe it would happen for us. I didn't think that we would be that blessed. But we are, and WOW, I can't even begin to tell you how over-the-moon-happy I am. I kept waking up Saturday night thinking that the cake had all been a dream. And you know what, it really is a dream. A very, very good one.

L

Drumroll Please

2009-08-29T20:56:00.002-05:00

Finding out the sex of your unborn baby is a monumental event. You speculate because you're carrying low, or your hips have started to expand, or you're craving Milky Ways, but you never really know until the tech scans those parts with her magic wand and says, "So, do you want to know the sex of your baby?" Rob almost fainted during my last pregnancy when the tech uttered the words, "It's a boy!" If my mom hadn't been standing beside him to prop him up, he'd be a goner.

As soon as we found out we were expecting again, we knew we would want to find out the sex of the baby as soon as possible. This desire to know is centered around my obsessive need to plan things and my lack of patience. (Note: I do have some good qualities mixed in there amongst all the stinkers.)

This time, however, we wanted to do something a bit different. We wanted for family to be able to share in the excitement of us finding out this life changing news. We wanted to see their faces upon hearing the sex of the baby. We wanted for them to be there to scream with us, hug and congratulate us.

And since they don't allow 18 people in the ultrasound room, this is what we came up with. Planning this has been so much fun, and I have literally been about to bust waiting for this day to arrive. My family had no idea until....

The Big Reveal

Happy weekend,
L

Nineteen Weeks

2009-08-25T16:42:00.004-05:00

I've reached week 19, which is almost to the halfway point. Happy dance and celebration all around. I had forgotten from my last pregnancy that once you start feeling the baby move, the kicks and bumps and nudges get stronger and stronger. I'll just be sitting here minding my own business, and BAM a strong kick to the stomach will just about send me soaring out of my chair. There's no way to describe the feeling to someone who hasn't experienced it before. It just honestly feels as though there is a person in your stomach that knocks every now and then. I like to think that it's a signal for "Hey, could I get some more food in here?"

When I saw the picture of what the baby might look like on the inside this week, I realized why I'm able to feel him/her all of a sudden. Is it me or did the poor thing go from looking completely comfy in there to a circus contortionist in the matter of one week? I mean, his calf is laying across his forehead. Just looking at this picture makes me a bit sore.

Also, the folks say that we've got ourselves an heirloom tomato this week. Again, it seems like a big jump from last week. I wonder what they are going to do towards the end of the pregnancy when they run out of fruits and vegetables to compare in size? I imagine the emails sounding something like, "Look, you've got a whole kid running around in your body. There is no fruit as big as the creature that is going to be pushing it's way out of your vagina pretty soon." I'd like to imagine that's what they will say anyway. I like straight talk when it comes to stuff like this.

And here is the email from the gurus for week 19. Pretty amazing stuff can take place in a woman's body. I'll have to take it out for a margarita after this pregnancy stuff is over to thank it for all it's work.

How Your Baby is Growing:
Your baby's sensory development is exploding! Her brain is designating specialized areas for smell, taste, hearing, vision, and touch. Some research suggests that she may be able to hear your voice now, so don't be shy about reading aloud, talking to her, or singing a happy tune if the mood strikes you.

Your baby weighs about 8 1/2 ounces and measures 6 inches, head to bottom — about the size of a large heirloom tomato. Her arms and legs are in the right proportions to each other and the rest of her body now. Her kidneys continue to make urine and the hair on her scalp is sprouting. A waxy protective coating called the vernix caseosa is forming on her skin to prevent it from pickling in the amniotic fluid.

L

Eighteen Weeks

2009-08-18T14:41:00.004-05:00

Today marks 18 weeks, but I feel as though I've been thrown back into the first trimester, because I'm suddenly completely and totally exhausted again. It's a real struggle to hold my eyes open these days. I generally doze off on the drive to pick up Will in the afternoons, so it's a good thing that I'm not the one behind the wheel or we'd be in real trouble.

Other than needing to tape my eyelids open, everything is going swimmingly. I have been feeling some definite movement from the kiddo which is pretty exciting. With Will, I didn't feel anything until around 21 weeks, so it's true (at least in my case) that second timers are able to detect movement a bit earlier.

We've got a bell pepper this week and the email is pretty non gender specific. They just love messing with me. Only a couple more weeks until we are able to find out for sure and put all the speculation to rest.

How Your Baby is Growing:
At 18 weeks pregnant, your baby is hitting the height chart at five and a half inches long (remember, that's crown to rump) which is about the length of a bell pepper, and weighs about five ounces (the weight of that boneless chicken breast you're making for dinner).

And now for the skill of the week (drum roll please…): The art of the yawn has been mastered by your baby (someone's sleepy!). In fact, you might catch a glimpse of that adorable yawn if you're getting an ultrasound this month. You'll also catch a glimpse of all the fetal movement your baby's doing — twists, rolls, kicks, and punches. And would you believe your baby is finally big enough for you to start feeling those movements now (or anytime in the next few weeks). So get ready!

Something you won't see on the ultrasound, but you'll know is in working order, is your baby's nervous system, which is maturing rapidly at this time. Nerves, now covered with a substance called myelin (which speeds messages from nerve cell to nerve cell), are forming more complex connections. And those in the brain are further specializing into the ones that serve the senses of touch, taste, smell, sight, and hearing. Talking about hearing, your baby's is growing more acute, making your little one more conscious of sounds that come from inside your body (which means you could both be listening to each other hiccup — a skill that your baby has by now).

Night night,
L

Change of Plans

2009-08-17T13:05:00.005-05:00

Rob and I went to my 16 week check-up a couple of weeks back. If you will recall, at my 12 week visit (sans Rob), I talked to my OB about having a VBAC and he was on board with the idea. He said all the things I wanted to hear like, "I have done tons of successful VBACs," and "As long as you know the risks, I'm behind you 100%." I had been reading that a lot of women get resistance from their OBs when requesting a VBAC, and some just simply won't do them at all, so I was pleased that my doctor seemed to be behind me in my choice, and I felt pretty good about everything leaving his office.

When Rob and I went to my 16 week check-up, something seemed to have shifted in my doctor's attitude. We presented our birth plan to him, and while he said that he was in agreeance with pretty much everything on there, he didn't seem to be as "on board" with the VBAC as he claimed to be the month previous. He started using some pretty scary language, focusing on uterine rupture and how I and the baby could die during a VBAC. Let me say this, I completely understand and appreciate a physician's need to warn you of the potential risks you may be facing when making these kinds of decisions, however, I don't feel that they need to exaggerate the truth to do so. He told us that one in every 50 women who have VBACs experience a uterine rupture, when the studies and evidence just don't support that at all. He also told Rob, "As soon as she begins her labor, you'll need to get her to the hospital right away. If you are laboring at home and her uterus ruptures, you're going to have a dead wife and a dead baby on your hands." WHOA THERE, DOC! What happened to, "I've done tons of these and it's no problem at all"? Of course, hearing all of this was scary and disheartening. I have been reading A LOT of information about childbirth, c-sections and VBACs since this pregnancy began, and I've learned that VBACs aren't nearly as scary and risky as a lot of doctors would like to make you believe. Actually, there is even more risk to the baby if a repeat c-section is performed. So, I left there feeling uncomfortable and uneasy about the situation. Did I really want someone by my side during this labor who didn't really have that much confidence in the process? Did I want a doctor who I felt was trying to scare me into throwing my hands up and say, "Forget it, I'll have another c-section."? Did I want to show up to the hospital in fear that when it came down to it, my OB wasn't really as supportive as he claimed? Well, in one word, NO. That is not what I want or need in what will most likely to be one of the most vulnerable times in my life. I need someone who is going to be behind me 110%, and I just wasn't feeling it from him.

So today after a lot of thought and soul searching, we met with a new practice. This practice is made up of nurse midwives who are very supportive of the natural birthing process and VBACs. They have a high success rate with VBACs, and seem to be much more in line with what we want out of this labor and delivery. They didn't scare us at all, just talked to us frankly and honestly about their philosophies and practices. The midwife we met with expressed that they would not want us to show up at the hospital right away like my OB had requested, and suggested that we labor at home until I am in active labor. We were pleased to hear this, because we feel that showing up at the hospital too early was one of the things that lead to all of the unnecessary interventions I had in my last labor. Another thing that really attracted us to them is the constant support they provide during the labor process. Once I arrive at the hospital, they will be there, coaching and helping me through each and every contraction if that is what I want/need. My OB, on the other hand, would only be available to come in a few times during the course of my labor, and when I am ready to push. Since I want a natural birth this time, I really feel as though I am going to need a bit more support than that, so we officially decided to go with the midwife practice to deliver this child. I feel good about it. I feel comfortable, and as though I can have complete trust in them to do what is best for me and my baby, while still keeping in mind my wishes for a natural birth. It is going to be tough telling my OB that I've decided to go to someone else, but I have to make the best decision for me and my baby. This is it. I'm sure of that now.

Happy Monday,
L

Bump it Up

2009-08-14T12:39:00.004-05:00

There is an in between stage in pregnancy that makes most moms-to-be beg for their looming baby bump to pop out. It's a time in which when people can't exactly tell if you're pregnant, or if you've just been eating too many cheeseburgers lately. I have been in this stage for what seems like about 6 weeks now. My belly is starting to show, but not enough for folks to be sure that there is a baby in there. I think at this point it's more likely that people look at me and think, "Whoa, she must not be going to the gym anymore." I keep waiting to wake up one day, look down and it be obvious that I'm sharing my space with another human. Until then, I'll just have to settle for this almost baby belly. Remind me of this post in about 4 months when the little sucker has his elbow sticking in my ribs, and you can see his hand trying to claw out of my belly.

17 week baby bump

Happy Friday,
L

Seventeen Weeks

2009-08-11T16:46:00.000-05:00

It's been a long week since my last baby development update. I have been getting terrible headaches again, which seemed to have faded during the first trimester of my pregnancy. They are back now and boy, are they mad. My OB called in a medication for me that basically knocked me unconscious to the point where I don't remember anything for about 11 hours. I slept harder than I've ever slept before and woke up wondering, how did I get here and who put my nightgown on me? I'm going to call his office back and ask for something a little less mind erasing. Since I generally like to know what the heck is going on and all.

But enough about me. The baby is the size of a turnip this week.

I read "she" could span the size of my open hand. Pretty crazy, huh? Still really small, but bulking up all the time. Here's what the pregnancy folks had to say about "her" this week.

How Your Baby is Growing:
Your baby's skeleton is changing from soft cartilage to bone, and the umbilical cord — her lifeline to the placenta — is growing stronger and thicker. Your baby weighs 5 ounces now (about as much as a turnip), and she's around 5 inches long from head to bottom. She can move her joints, and her sweat glands are starting to develop.

And just because I think the gurus were a little lacking in the info department this week, here is another email from a different site with some more details.

How big is your baby at 17 weeks pregnant? About five inches long and more than three and a half ounces — the size of your open hand. (Open the other one too and imagine your baby cradled in both your arms right after delivery!) Body fat (baby's, that is) is beginning to form and will continue to accumulate through the end of your pregnancy. By the time your baby is born, body fat will make up about two-thirds of his or her weight (and will make all those chubby parts especially yummy).

Your baby is almost certainly listening up by now. In fact, loud noises — the dog barking, the doorbell ringing — will actually startle your baby (and also get him or her used to such noises; for instance, fetuses who regularly hear a dog barking will become babies who sleep right through Fido's outbursts). Your baby's eyes (which have fortunately finished their migration to the front of his or her head) are making small side-to-side movements and can even perceive some light, though the eyelids are still sealed. And since practice makes perfect, your baby is sharpening his or her sucking and swallowing skills in preparation for that first (and second…and third) suckle at your breast or bottle. In fact, most of the survival reflexes that your baby will have at birth are being perfected in utero right now.

And here's some proof that your baby is truly one of a kind (as if you needed any!). Within the next week or so, the pads on your baby's fingertips and toes will become adorned with completely individual swirls and creases (aka fingerprints).

Till next time,
L

My Little Bruiser

2009-08-06T15:13:00.000-05:00

When we arrived to pick Will up at school yesterday, we noticed right away that he had several scratches on his face. It appeared as though maybe he and a cat had a little run in, but they don't have pets at daycare, so I ruled that out pretty quickly. We asked his teacher, and she said that she didn't see what happened, but assumed he had scratched himself. Okay, since I'm a mom, I realize that strange and bizarre things can happen when toddlers are involved. Kids stick marbles up their noses and cut all their hair off with scissors when you aren't looking. But knowing all of this, I just couldn't picture Will accidentally or purposely scratching his face several times. I maybe would go with that story if it was one scratch, because that he could have done accidentally, but to have several scratches spread out on different places of that sweet little face just didn't quite jive.

So, when we got in the car, I decided to go straight to the source and question him about it. The conversation went like this.

Me: Will, what happened to your face, buddy?
Him: I got a boo boo.
Me: How did you get all of those scratches on your face? Did someone at school scratch you?
Him: (nods head) Zachary scratched me.
Me: I see. Did you do something to Zachary?
Him: I hit him.
Me: Did Zachary scratch you first or did you hit him first?
Him: He scratched me and I hit him. I got in a fight!

Uh, wow. Not only is my child already scrapping with kids in his class at age
2 & 1/2, but he knows the terminology, "I got in a fight"?? How long was I at work exactly?

Sigh,
L

Sixteen Weeks

2009-08-04T14:49:00.000-05:00

I've hit the four month mark. Whoa nelly! I know I say it every single week, but it's pretty crazy how quickly this pregnancy is flying by. I certainly don't feel 4 months pregnant, and it seems completely bonkers to think that I have only 5 & 1/2 months to go until we will be a family of four. I could swear it was just yesterday that I handed Will my positive pregnancy stick (with firm instructions NOT to remove the protector cap) and whispered to him, "Go take this to Daddy." Now, look how far we've come. We've got ourselves an avocado this week, which makes me very happy and kind of hungry for guacamole at the same time.

And here is the email from those suckers trying to confuse me about the gender. They've flopped back to calling the baby a "he" this week, which I hate to tell all of you out there hoping for a girl, is what I've been dreaming that I'm having. I don't know why, but something inside me has all of a sudden convinced myself that this is another boy. Every time I dream about the baby, it's a boy. I guess we'll find out come September!

How Your Baby is Growing:

Get ready for a growth spurt. In the next few weeks, your baby will double his weight and add inches to his length. Right now, he's about the size of an avocado: 4 1/2 inches long (head to rump) and 3 1/2 ounces. His legs are much more developed, his head is more erect than it has been, and his eyes have moved closer to the front of his head. His ears are close to their final position, too. The patterning of his scalp has begun, though his locks aren't recognizable yet. He's even started growing toenails. And there's a lot happening inside as well. For example, his heart is now pumping about 25 quarts of blood each day, and this amount will continue to increase as your baby continues to develop.

Happy 1st week of August,
L

Wish List

2009-07-30T11:41:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, life is such that all I can wish for is wisdom. This week has been one of those glowing examples. Now that Rob and I are not only responsible for ourselves, but for the lives of two other people, our choices weigh much more heavily than before. We can't make decisions without thinking through every possible scenario and exploring all the what-ifs. The choices we make now can and will effect the lives of our children potentially for years to come, and that is an enormous load to carry.

A few weeks ago, we started discussing the prospect of selling our home. We have a tiny, little house now that has been good to us for almost three years and has served it's purpose. But, we feel as though we have outgrown it, and that's even before we bring another person into the mix. Our third "bedroom" doesn't have a closet, so there is no storage space for the new baby. Our bathroom is so small, you can't fit two people in there comfortably. And we don't have much of a back yard where Will can go out and play. So, when we couple all of that with the fact that the house isn't even 1000 square feet, we decided that we should put it on the market, and spring for something bigger to accommodate our growing family. Sounds pretty simple, right? We thought so.

Shake some sense into me the next time I get excited and think that something is going to be easy. Things hardly ever are.

Earlier in the week, I thought I should call Will's daycare and find out how much extra we are going to have to pay for the new baby to attend. I knew they offered a sibling discount, but I wasn't expecting it to be so small. Little did I know, we are going to be paying double what we pay now to send both kids to daycare each month. After all is said and done, childcare is going to cost us half of my monthly income. This broke my heart for several reasons, the first being that there is nothing that I would love more than to be a stay at home mom to our kids. Financially, that is just not in the cards for us right now however. Also, the fact that our childcare costs are going to double pretty much squashes the dream of buying a bigger home right now. In theory, we could still afford it, but it would be a struggle. And you know what, I don't like to struggle. Especially with a toddler and a new baby in tow.

Needless to say, as a mom and a compulsive worrier, this has really clouded my head. I feel like I've been driving around in a thick fog this week, and I just can't quite see what is up ahead no matter how bright I turn my lights on. I'm waiting for it to clear. Waiting to have some clarity come in and make things evident. Until then, I'm tossing and turning at night wondering which direction all of this will take us. Such is life, I guess.

L

Fifteen Weeks

2009-07-28T16:15:00.000-05:00

The clock just keeps on ticking. I can't believe I'm already fifteen weeks along. This pregnancy is definitely going by much more quickly than my last. When you're watching a toddler grow up before your very eyes and chasing him all over the world, it seems to make time fly by like never before. When I was pregnant with Will, if I was tired and wanted to take a nap at any given time of the day, I could. If I wanted to just lay on the couch, eat Doritos and sour cream while watching Friends re-runs for two hours, no problem. If I had the urge to go to bed at 7 o'clock at night, see you in the morning. If I wanted to sleep in till 10 on the weekends, no one seemed to care. Needless to say, I don't have those options now, and while at times it's frustrating that I can't just lounge around on the couch with complete disregard for the world going on around me, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Will keeps me on my toes. Not to mention, life is just sweeter now that he's around. My new life as a mom is keeping me moving during this pregnancy and that's a good thing.

This week in the baby's development, I open the email to find that I've got an apple sized fetus moving around in there. This little tid bit would make Will extremely happy. The kid loves apples. If you ask him what he wants for breakfast...apples. What do you want for lunch? Apples. Dinner? Apples. What did you eat at school today? Apples. What should we name the baby? Apples. The kid is apple crazy. I can't wait to pick him up this afternoon and tell him I've got an apple in my belly. That will just tickle him to death.

And here is the email as to how the baby is growing. Disclaimer: Just because the good ol' pregnancy folks like to tease you and say that now an ultrasound could determine the sex of the baby, does not mean that the OB will do it now. My OB and most others, prefer to do it at 20 weeks, because the likelihood that they can determine the sex at that point is much higher since the baby is bigger. So, we've got a while to wait, folks. I don't think I'll be having my anatomy ultrasound until the first week of September.

Oh and lookie, they are back to referring to the baby as "she" this week. I'll crack this mystery one day.

How Your Baby is Growing:
Your growing baby now measures about 4 inches long, crown to rump, and weighs in at about 2 1/2 ounces (about the size of an apple). She's busy moving amniotic fluid through her nose and upper respiratory tract, which helps the primitive air sacs in her lungs begin to develop. Her legs are growing longer than her arms now, and she can move all of her joints and limbs. Although her eyelids are still fused shut, she can sense light. If you shine a flashlight at your tummy, for instance, she's likely to move away from the beam. There's not much for your baby to taste at this point, but she is forming taste buds. Finally, if you have an ultrasound this week, you may be able to find out whether your baby's a boy or a girl! (Don't be too disappointed if it remains a mystery, though. Nailing down your baby's sex depends on the clarity of the picture and on your baby's position. He or she may be modestly curled up or turned in such a way as to "hide the goods.")

Toodles,
L

Girl, Interrupted

2009-07-23T16:06:00.000-05:00

I didn't post a wish list yesterday. It wasn't because I couldn't find the time, or had forgotten what day it was though. I seem to have been plagued by a new pregnancy symptom for the last few days and it has kind of taken me back. Are you ready for this one? The new symptom ...indifference. I have this whole, "I could care less" attitude all of a sudden. I was browsing the internet for my list and I just didn't care about any of it. Sure, there are a lot of terrific things out there that I would love to have. There are about a million products that are worthy of a Wednesday wish list, but I looked at them all yesterday and though, "Eh." I couldn't get excited about any of it. I couldn't muster the same enthusiasm that I normally do when putting my lists together. It was quite bizarre, but the indifference didn't even let it bother me. I just shrugged my shoulders and ate a cannoli instead.

I'm convinced that when one pregnancy symptom goes away, you get a stand in to replace it. So now, instead of feeling nauseated all the time, I have *GULP* lost my will to shop. Say it ain't so!! This is a symptom that I hope will fade very soon. I'm expecting it to be gone by next week when it's time to put Wednesday's list together. If not, I may need to talk to my Dr. about it and see what can be done. I can picture the conversation now...

Me: I had to come see you right away. I have this horrible new symptom that I need you to treat immediately.
OB: Sure. What's going on?
Me: I seem to have...(tears up and gathers strength to go on)... lost my desire to shop. (Buries face in hands and bawls uncontrollably)
OB: You're kidding, right?
Me: (Sniffling) No, I'm totally serious. Why?
OB: I've got babies to deliver. You might want to go back on your Prozac for a while.

On second thought, maybe I should hold off on calling the Dr. just yet. Hopefully this mysterious manifestation will just remedy itself and I can get back to shopping like a normal woman.

L

Fourteen Weeks

2009-07-21T17:03:00.000-05:00

I have finally arrived. Today is the first official day of the second trimester, and all I can think is WHEW, and thank you, Jesus! The second trimester is known as the "honeymoon" trimester, because morning sickness and fatigue seem to dissipate for most women, and hormones start to cool a bit, so you don't cry every time the stupid Kleenex commercial comes on. Not only is this milestone a relief for those reasons, but also because the rate for miscarriage drops dramatically once you make it to the second trimester. Since I have suffered a miscarriage in the past, it's a fear of mine that it is going to happen again. So, reaching this day puts me at ease and makes me want to buy margaritas for everyone. Except myself, of course.

The email from the pregnancy folks for this week was just as I suspected. I now have a lemon sized baby in my belly. As you may recall, I was really hoping for the lemon last week and was thrown completely off with the news of a shrimp sized fetus. It was hard to take, but I've moved on. Here's the size of the little sour puss this week. Get it? Lemon...sour puss? I really crack myself up.

And here is the email from the pregnancy folks. Again this week, they refer to the baby as "he," and I thought for sure they would switch it back up this week and use "she." Those crazy pregnancy gurus like to keep you guessing though.

How Your Baby is Growing:
This week's big developments: Your baby can now squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his thumb! Thanks to brain impulses, his facial muscles are getting a workout as his tiny features form one expression after another. His kidneys are producing urine, which he releases into the amniotic fluid around him — a process he'll keep up until birth. He can grasp, too, and if you're having an ultrasound now, you may even catch him sucking his thumb.

In other news: Your baby's stretching out. From head to bottom, he measures 3 1/2 inches — about the size of a lemon — and he weighs 1 1/2 ounces. His body's growing faster than his head, which now sits upon a more distinct neck. By the end of this week, his arms will have grown to a length that's in proportion to the rest of his body. (His legs still have some lengthening to do.) He's starting to develop an ultra-fine, downy covering of hair, called lanugo, all over his body. Your baby's liver starts making bile this week — a sign that it's doing its job right — and his spleen starts helping in the production of red blood cells. Though you can't feel his tiny punches and kicks yet, your little pugilist's hands and feet (which now measure about 1/2 inch long) are more flexible and active.

I read this a couple of times trying to figure out what on Earth the baby could have to frown or grimace about in there. They have no bills to pay, no rush hour traffic to fight, no time card to punch. They're just swimming around all warm and cozy in a dark little haven. So, why the grimace? Then I remembered something very important. At this point in a pregnancy, the baby starts to urinate. That urine is passed into the amniotic fluid, which they later swallow. This process goes on until delivery. They pee, it goes into the amniotic fluid, they swallow it. Lather, rinse, repeat. So, in all my medical wisdom, I've determined that this is the sole explanation for why they feel the need to frown or grimace. Because I don't care how old you are or what kind of warm, dark haven you may be in, swallowing your own pee cannot be cool.

Oh happy day,
L

Q&A with Will

2009-07-17T09:40:00.000-05:00

Driving home after picking Will up from "school" on Wednesday, I decided to do a little Q&A session with him. It went a little something like this...

Me: What did you have for lunch today?
Him: Apples in the morning
Me: I don't think you had apples today. Your sheet says chicken and noodles.
Him: Okay.

Me: Who is your favorite, Lightning McQueen or Thomas?
Him: Light-king McKing!

Me: What's your favorite color?
Him: Crayon

Me: Who is your favorite stuffed animal, Rabbit or Flip?
Him: Rabbit. I like Flip.

Me: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Him: I wanna go fast.

Me: What did you dream about last night?
Him: Gavin
Me: What were you doing with Gavin?
Him: Wrestling
(We have Tyrone to thank for that one.)

Me: Did you know Mommy has a baby in my belly?
Him: I got my baby in my belly too.
Me: Really? What's he doing in there?
Him: He's crying. He wants to get out.

Me: What are you going to do when Mommy's baby gets bigger and starts moving around and kicking inside Mommy's belly?
Him: I'm gonna kick em.
Me: No, we can't kick the baby, bud. We have to be nice to the baby.
Him: I'm gonna kick em.
Me: And so it begins.

Happy weekend,
L

Wednesday Wish List

2009-07-15T15:18:00.000-05:00

This work day has almost come to an end, which means I'm officially more than half way to the weekend. Glass half full, that's how I roll.

Today's wish list is bedding, because I really want new linens, but can't tear myself away from my old bedding. There is nothing that I love more than a plain, fluffy, white goose down comforter. Nothing. Except for my family and pajamas, of course, but that's beside the point. I LOVE goose down comforters with no cover whatsoever. There is something pure and soft and heavenly about them that just beckons me. And I've had one on my bed for a very long time now. At this point, my goose down is an old and dear friend that I can't say goodbye to. At the same time, I would love to have some fresh new bedding in our room, and when I see linens like the ones on my wish list today, I almost want to cover that white goose down up for a while and embrace the new. It might take some time though. And maybe even a bit of therapy.

Here are a few of my temptresses.

What is it about gray and yellow that looks so darn good together? It's one color combo that I just love, and I think you should love it too. Here is a Citron Duvet Set by Blissliving to convince you I'm right. Loving the large flower prints on this one too. Lovely!

Amy Butler recently started selling her new line of bedding at Bed Bath and Beyond. I love all the vibrant colors and the fact that her collection is made from 100% organic cotton, which convinces me it would be super soft and comfy. For me, that's what bedding is suppose to be all about. I had a hard time choosing a favorite from her new line, but when I saw this design and beautiful teal color on her Coventry Comforter set, I was hooked.

I love the soft look of this Amelie Blush Duvet and way the colors fade from one delicate shade to the next. The large tree graphics and beautiful coordinating pillows are just an added bonus in this set. For me, the colors are the star here.

DwellStudio really knows what they are doing when it comes to bedding and this Hedgerow Saffron Duvet set is no exception. I love the bold plant life design and how the crisp colors jump right out at you. It helps that whoever staged this room for the photograph knew exactly what they were doing, because the artwork and furniture suit this bedding perfectly. That's a bedroom I could spend my time in.

I couldn't resist but to add in a good ol' fashioned quilt for my Etsy find. Who doesn't love a nice, warm quilt? Quilts aren't particularly my style for the bedroom, but I love to have them out in my living room to use as throws for when I'm piled up on the couch watching TV. Ahhhh! There are so many handmade quilts on Etsy, that quilts has it's own category with about a billion selections. I looked through about a million of them, and WOW, there are some talented people out there. I finally picked Quiltville's shop, because I loved every single quilt in the store. When it came time to pick one quilt to display here, I pretty much closed my eyes and clicked on this Figgy Pudding Patch Quilt. Love the name. Love the colors.

Happy day before the day before Friday,
L

Thirteen Weeks

2009-07-14T15:17:00.001-05:00

It has begun, the last week of my first trimester. Ahhhh!! I can hear choirs of angels singing already. One thing I distinctly remember about my pregnancy with Will, is that when I hit the second trimester, something flipped inside me and I began to feel like a new person. I started feeling like myself again. And while the morning/all day sickness has definitely subsided for me now, I'm still experiencing the dreaded first trimester exhaustion and sleepiness. Some days, it's a real fight to stay awake sitting here at my desk. I think I may have even mastered sleeping with my eyes open, because there are small chunks of the day I seem to lose from time to time. I take full advantage of the weekends when I am able to nap though, and proved my point by sleeping almost 4 hours on Sunday. I don't feel the least bit guilty either. It was fantastic!

So, I got the email from the pregnancy folks for this week, and I must say, I'm a bit confused. Maybe it's just placenta dementia taking over my brain again, but in my world, a medium shrimp is smaller, not bigger, than a lime. The pregnancy gurus say that the baby is the size of a medium shrimp this week and I just can't wrap my head around that being bigger than a lime. Maybe they are only going by length here with all these fetus/food comparisons? Here's a visual. You be the judge.

12 weeks

13 weeks

Call me crazy, (a lot of people have), but I don't see it. That shrimp looks shrimper than the lime. Just sayin'. I think the pregnancy folks are really grasping at straws for good fetus to food comparisons these days. I really thought I would have a lemon in there this week since I had a lime last week. Better luck next time!

And now for the email of the week. The email for the LAST week of the 1st trimester. *cheers and applause*

How your baby's growing:

Fingerprints have formed on your baby's tiny fingertips, her veins and organs are clearly visible through her still-thin skin, and her body is starting to catch up with her head — which makes up just a third of her body size now. If you're having a girl, she now has more than 2 million eggs in her ovaries. Your baby is almost 3 inches long (the size of a medium shrimp) and weighs nearly an ounce.

Cheers,
L

Push It

2009-07-10T10:16:00.001-05:00

I visited my OB for my 12 week check up yesterday, and I must say, I learned a lot. The first thing I learned is that a pregnant woman should never go to a one o'clock Dr's appointment thinking, "Eh, I'll just eat lunch when I get back." Bad. Very, very bad. After sitting in the waiting room for 50 minutes and eating (not chewing) about 4 pieces of gum, my stomach was growling so loud that people were starting to stare and point. Okay, not really, but it was coming to that, I swear it.

The nurse finally called me back and started going over my history and asking tons of questions about my symptoms and lifestyle. "Do you exercise? Do you eat raw meat? Does your job require you to jump out of tall buildings?" I was this close to saying, "Look lady, I don't smoke cigarettes, drink or do cocaine, can we just hurry this up so I can go bury my face in a cheeseburger?" when she finally wrapped things up and took me back to see my doctor.

He came in right away and I sprung it on him, "I don't want another c-section. I want to do a VBAC this time. Is this something you would be willing to do?" It came out so fast and matter of factly, I was surprised I said it. I held my breath and waited for him to tell me I was crazy and throw me out of there so that I could go get some lunch. Surprisingly, that's not what happened at all though. We discussed the reason I had to have a c-section the last time, and he agreed that I would be a good candidate for VBAC. *Exhale* He said as long as I am aware of the potential risks, he is 100% supportive of my choice to try and deliver vaginally this time around. He also informed me that he has "done a ton of VBACs" so that put my mind at ease as well. We talked about my birth plan and how I would be opting out of Pitocin or pain meds for my next delivery. I got a bit of a strange look from him when I said that I wouldn't be getting an epidural this time around, but this may have been due to my stomach growling so loud, he thought a dog had snuck in the room. He pulled out the doppler and checked the little lime's heartbeat and sent me on my way for bloodwork. Note to self: always eat something before getting 4 viles of blood drawn. It was brutal. I think I may have knocked over a couple of pregnant ladies on my rush out of the office, because all I could think is, "There's a Chick-Fil-A right across the street! MUST.GET.THERE.IMMEDIATELY." I devoured my fries so fast on the drive back to work, I about choked myself. It was totally worth it though.

So, there you have it, I get to try and deliver vaginally this time and I won't have to change doctors. And, I have a new found understanding for the need to eat lunch every day at the same exact time. My body just isn't equipped for a deviation from the plan.

Happy weekend!
L

Wednesday Wish List

2009-07-08T15:47:00.000-05:00

I'm going to start by explaining myself. Will was sick yesterday, so I was at home with him wiping a green, snotty nose all day. As gross and disgusting as that may sound, I eat up every moment I have with that kid, so it actually wasn't so bad. Snotty nose or not, time with him is good time. I say all that to say this, the list today is a list of randoms. I just couldn't manage to pull together a more streamlined shopping list with all the work I had staring at me from my desk this morning. As crazy as it may sound, I actually have to do stuff here at my job (besides putting together delicious wish lists) to get paid.

So here it is. My scattered, but still, worthy wish list. Enjoy!

I'm not so sure about the name of these I Love Me Heart Mirrors since narcissism kind of turns me off, but I adore the look and design of these enough to overlook this one small detail.

I haven't had a home phone in ages. In our day and age, I think there are a lot of people like me who just use their cell phone as their home phone. But if I did have the need for a home phone, I would want one like this red and ivory vintage telly. I just think it's so sleek and I love the color. Who cares if it's rotary? That would just take me back to my childhood when my MawMaw had an old rotary phone.

When we do drink wine, we never keep it in the house long enough to actually store it in a wine rack. I've always loved wine racks though, and I love the modern feel of this white metal circular rack. Maybe I could just buy it and fill it with empty wine bottles? Or is that against the rules? I know how strict these wine purists can get, and I'd hate to break some kind of carnal wine sin.

Brace yourself for this next one. Not only is this Cloud Chair pretty much the most cozy looking chair I've ever seen, but the picture complete with Cutest Little Girl Ever will make you want to buy it just in the hopes that some sweet child will fall asleep in it and you can take their picture. At least that's what it does to me. But, I'm pregnant and hormonal, so I'm really not operating on the same level as most normal folks out there. Still, this chair is amazing!

And for the Etsy find of the week, I decided to include one of my old favorites from Element Clay Studio. This seller is one of the first I ever looked at on Etsy, which helps to explain why I became obsessed with the site so quickly. Every hand made item in this store makes me drool, but this blue urchin bowl has always been my favorite. One day, it will be mine.

Happy Wednesday!
L

Twelve Weeks

2009-07-07T17:15:00.000-05:00

I decided that each Tuesday, I would post the email update from the pregnancy folks as to how the baby is growing. It's just too interesting not to share. Last week, I had a fig. This week, it's a lime. Quite a jump for seven days, don't you think?

Also, I noticed that though last week the email referred to the baby as "she," this week, they refer to it as "he." Maybe they split it up week to week to keep us guessing? Either way, here is the email for this week. Things are really starting to shape up in there.

How your baby's growing:

The most dramatic development this week: reflexes. Your baby's fingers will soon begin to open and close, his toes will curl, his eye muscles will clench, and his mouth will make sucking movements. In fact, if you prod your abdomen, your baby will squirm in response, although you won't be able to feel it. His intestines, which have grown so fast that they protrude into the umbilical cord, will start to move into his abdominal cavity about now, and his kidneys will begin excreting urine into his bladder.

Meanwhile, nerve cells are multiplying rapidly, and in your baby's brain, synapses are forming furiously. His face looks unquestionably human: His eyes have moved from the sides to the front of his head, and his ears are right where they should be. From crown to rump, your baby-to-be is just over 2 inches long (about the size of a lime) and weighs half an ounce.

And here's a picture of what the little lime may look like at this point. I can't wait for my next ultrasound.

Cheers,
L

Growing Up

2009-07-06T11:58:00.001-05:00

Will is going to be two and a half years old this month. TWO AND A HALF YEARS OLD. Just typing it, just saying it in my head, realizing the truth and weight of it all, makes my throat close up a little and my eyes start to burn. He is and will always be my baby. Not time, or new babies, or any force of nature will ever change that. Having a new one on the way, makes me yearn to cement that into his little head somehow. Now that there is going to be another person in our family, I want to insure that Will knows without a shadow of a doubt that my love for him will only get bigger as our lives get longer.

I'm watching him grow up and turn into this actual person with his own thoughts and opinions, and it makes me happy and sad simultaneously. He can say to me, "I'm happy," which fills my heart so full, I can almost feel it bursting out of my chest. At the same time, I recall the days when he could only make those sweet little baby sounds, when even the smallest peep or coo from his mouth would make me run to get Rob and be all, "Listen honey, he made noise!" I want to hold on to that feeling. I want to have the same excitement about every thing he says and does now, and I'd be lying if I said it doesn't bum me out somewhat that it's becoming more commonplace these days.

The beauty of it all, is that I still marvel in him. Every day, he surprises me. Every day, he makes me smile. Every day, I look at him and am amazed and humbled that I had something to do with this extraordinary person. I already have enough wonderful memories with him to last a lifetime. And looking back at his life, at our life together as a family, reaffirms that being a mom is what I was meant for. Yes, my life was lovely before, but this, this right here, is why I am. It may sound cliche, and it may sound all sentimental and wishy washy, but it is what it is. And it's the truth.

Happy Monday.

L

Wednesday Wish List

2009-07-01T12:25:00.000-05:00

Don't you just love short work weeks? Today is Wednesday, but it might as well be Thursday, because tomorrow is our Friday since it's the last work day of the week. Have I sufficiently confused you yet? My sincere apologies. Sometimes I only make sense to myself. It's an illness.

For today's list, I decided to go with lighting. Because, well, have you seen the lighting out there lately? It's gorgeous! I had a really hard time narrowing down this list, because there are just SO many beautiful things to chose from. Here we go...

I adore this Coral Pendant from Le Souk, because I can just imagine the beautiful shadows and patterns it would cast on the ceilings and walls. I would love to see this hanging over my new dining room table in my new house. Dreams do come true, you know.

This Cluster Light from Rockett St. George is just divine! LOVE, love, love it. Did I mention that I love this light? Just making sure. The design is sleek and simple, and it reminds me of white dishware, which is why it would be perfect in my new kitchen.

How cool and cute are these Candela lights from Twig? They are portable and rechargeable which is super convenient. I just love smart design. You could move these babies from room to room and there is no need to buy new bulbs. Brilliant!

This Lights Up Deco Pendant from 2Modern is available in many different patterns and comes in linen or silk. There isn't one of them that I wouldn't love to have, but this pattern and the Red Mum really do it for me. They are all just gorgeous.

And for the Etsy find of the week, I bring you the Speed of Light lamp. I don't know why I'm so drawn to this. Could be because it's so retro and funky, but I'm leaning more toward the fact that I spent the better part of my childhood on roller skates and this just brings me back. The seller, Litterlamps85, has several different groovy lamps to chose from including one made from a vintage rotary telephone. Too cool for school.

Happy Wednesday! (or Thursday if you're off on Friday) See, I did it again! I can't be stopped.
L

Eleven Weeks

2009-06-30T17:40:00.000-05:00

Each Tuesday begins a new week in my pregnancy, and today happens to start week 11. There are all sorts of services you can sign up for when you're pregnant that send you daily and/or weekly email updates about what you can expect along the way. They range anywhere from talk about sore breasts, to constipation, to maternity wear, to "DON'T EAT THAT, IT WILL KILL THE BABY!" Things can get really intense in these "supportive" emails. My favorite of the emails I receive in this slew of correspondence from the pregnancy folks, is the weekly update I get in regards to the baby's development. I read them and am amazed at what is taking place in my body. This week, I have a fig in my uterus. Well, not an actual fig, but a person the size of a fig. Wow! Here is the update from this week. Pretty cool stuff if I say so myself.

Your baby, just over 1 1/2 inches long and about the size of a fig, is now almost fully formed. Her hands will soon open and close into fists, tiny tooth buds are beginning to appear under her gums, and some of her bones are beginning to harden.

She's already busy kicking and stretching, and her tiny movements are so effortless they look like water ballet. These movements will become more frequent as her body grows and becomes more developed and functional. You won't feel your baby's acrobatics for another month or two — nor will you notice the hiccupping that may be happening now that her diaphragm is forming.

And they even provide a picture of what your baby looks like this week, which makes it seem all the more real. Just take a look at my little fig.

Till tomorrow...
L

Pregnancy Dreams

2009-06-26T11:52:00.000-05:00

There are lots of weird things that happen to a woman's body during pregnancy, but one of the most interesting and unexpected is how your dreams become these crazy, vivid, bizarre happenings each night. Even before I became pregnant, I was always the kind of person who could remember lots of details about my dreams. Now that another person is taking over my body, I remember ALL the details.

For instance, last night I had a dream that we invited some friends over for dinner. I had these two small two-person tables set up in the middle of my dining room. Each table had gorgeous light blue turquoise table cloths covering them and I had the four chairs draped with wispy white chair covers. Delicate white and silver china sat at each place setting, and a clear vase of white hydrangeas was the centerpiece on each table. We were cooking beef tenderloin with burgundy sauce, roasted asparagus and red potatoes. Sound like a lovely, normal dream, right? Just you wait.

When our guests arrived (enter Sam and Lindsey), I could tell that Lindsey was upset with me. She was acting strange and I couldn't figure out why. I blew it off, and went into the kitchen to get drinks for everyone. When I came back in the dining room, carrying the tray full of drinks, Lindsey pulled out a revolver and shot me. She shot me, but it didn't hurt. I dropped the tray of drinks as she shot me a few more times. Still no pain or blood. It was then we realized that Sam had switched out the bullets in her gun with blanks. She became angered by this and stormed off to the other room, as we continued to chat like nothing out of the ordinary was going on. I started to smell smoke, went into our bedroom and found that she had set our curtains on fire and they were quickly going up in flames. I put it out before the fire engulfed the wall. By this point in the evening, I was pretty confused as to what was going on (because apparently inviting house guests over just to have them shoot at you and set your house on fire is out of the ordinary), so I asked her had I done something to make her mad. She said, "Well, do you remember doing THIS?" and turned around to lift her hair, revealing a small tattoo on the back of her neck. I couldn't tell what it was, so I moved in closer and realized it was my name. It was my name tattooed on the back of her neck. I had tattooed my name on the back of her neck while she was sleeping. Ummm, yeah. Sorry about that, Lindsey. I promise I only tattoo people inappropriately while they're sleeping with their written permission and full consent.

Pregnancy dreams=insane.

Happy weekend,
L

Wednesday Wish List

2009-06-24T11:57:00.000-05:00

Guess what? Today is Wednesday. And I know that today is Wednesday. I know what day of the week it is! Score! I like to celebrate even the smallest victories.

Today's wish list is full of beautiful decorative pillows. I adore throw pillows, but I look at these, picture smeared Cheetos and dribbled juice all over them, and I decide maybe I should wait until my children are old enough to fully understand threats before I go buying a bunch of these beauties. So, basically if you don't have kids or your kids are old enough to grasp statements like, "If you even think about getting close to that pillow with you're grubby little hands...." you should totally buy these and I'll just have to live with major pillow envy.

This love bird pillow from Le Souk is delicate and kind of creepy at the same time. Maybe this feeling stems from me being a bit frightened of birds in the first place, but does it look to you like the two birds in the middle are the actual "love birds" and the surrounding birds are just staring at them in jealousy? Like there is some love bird drama going on here possibly? Like maybe the other birds want to pounce the two love birds in a fit of rage? No? Yeah, then I'm just a real freak about birds. None the less, I still love this pillow and all it's bird weirdness. I love the color and felt detail on this symmetry pillow from Horne. Not only do I love the materials of this pillow and imagine it being very soft and comfy, it also doesn't have any frightening flying animals on it, which is always a plus.

Okay, now this linen turtle pillow features a sweet little animal that doesn't scare me. I love, love, love turtles. They are so deliberate and careful. This pillow is modern and crisp. It doesn't exactly match anything in my house, but I could totally just buy this pillow and decorate around it.

This silk tree bomb pillow at Huset is delicate and dainty. You have to keep the chocolate milk far away from this one, folks. Because, despite what Billy Mays says, OxiClean does not remove everything. It's one of life's major injustices.
And as always, rounding out the list, is an Etsy find from Laura Davis' shop. This dainty pillow is made from vintage bed sheets and it's hand embroidered. What's not to love? The saying is what really got me though, "If you lived here, you'd be home now." This quote is used in one of my all time favorite movies, Girl Interrupted and I immediately thought of crazy Daisy Randone and her "eat in chicken" when I saw it. I'm very drawn to this pillow for that reason. I might have to buy it and just hide it from Will and his sticky fingers.

Until tomorrow....which is Thursday by the way!

Cheers,
L

My Dad

2009-06-22T16:21:00.000-05:00

Father's Day has come and gone, but although I'm late, I didn't want to let the opportunity pass without saying something about my dad. Simply because he's too special not to mention.

I read a quote from Clarence Kelland last week, "My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived and let me watch him do it." That statement really resonated with me, because though I never really thought about it in this way, this is exactly how I feel about my dad. He didn't preach to me or really even instruct me as to how to become a great person, he lived his life as a great person and I saw him do it every day. He showed me what it means to be strong and soft at the same time. From him, I learned how to face adversity and heart ache with grace and dignity. He taught me that family is the cornerstone in our lives, a compass for those times we get lost to steer us back home. Now that I'm a parent, I can see the gentle side of my father coming out in me when I relate to Will, and that makes me know I'm doing something right.

When I was three, my Pop's truck ran over my tiny little body in the driveway of his shop. I don't remember much about that day, except for my dad scooping me up in his arms and running me through the apple orchard to our house. I remember feeling so small in his arms. But, more importantly, I remember feeling safe. That feeling has continued throughout my life. I still feel safe and protected with my dad, and I know I always will.

I guess if I could wish for one thing as it relates to my father, it would be for people to see him when they see me. That my life will serve as a reflection of his. Because that's how amazing he is. To me, the best compliment I could receive is, "Wow, you're just like your dad."

Happy late Father's Day to all the dads out there that inspire this feeling in their children.

L

VBAC

2009-06-19T14:29:00.000-05:00

Before I even became pregnant with this child, I knew I wanted to do VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section) or at least attempt to deliver vaginally. My c-section wasn't a great or easy experience for me to say the least. My recovery was long and painful. I had fluid build around my incision that had to be drawn out with a big scary needle. I had the worst gas of my life. And I know that might not sound too terrible, but this gas was akin to contractions. I cried and cried the night after my c-section, because my stomach hurt so badly. It was insane how much it hurt.

In addition to the physical recovery of a c-section, there was also a larger financial recovery. Having a c-section costs about 40% more than a vaginal delivery and we paid those bills for a long time. The other thing that always bothered me about Will's birth was the fluid that was in his little lungs after being born by cescerean. As you can read in this article, it's much more likely for babies who are born by section to have respitory problems after the delivery.

So, because of all of these factors and after careful consideration, I decided that VBAC would be something I would like to do. I have been reading, however, that many hospitals and OBs flat out refuse to attempt them. This was puzzling to me since all the research seems to indicate that the risk for repeat c-section is higher. I phoned my OBs office today only to discover that they fit into this "no VBAC" category. This upsets me and makes me a little angry honestly. I could understand if my Dr. looked at me and said, "Leslie, based upon your circumstances, I wouldn't feel comfortable doing a VBAC for these reasons." But to just say, "We don't care what your situation is, we're not even going to try and let you deliver vaginally" makes me crazy mad. Why? Can someone give me a reason? This is what I will be asking my Dr at the next visit. Because now I am faced with an impossible decision, either stay with the Dr. who I have been with since I was 18 years old and who delivered my last child and let him cut me open and remove my baby simply because it's his policy, or find someone else. If he won't do it, this is important enough to me to find someone who will. I am not going to put my body and my child through a potential risk just because an OB is not even willing to let me try to deliver the natural way. I mean, am I crazy here? How on earth did it come to this? With evidence and research out there screaming that repeat c-sections are much more of a risk to mothers and their babies, do we really have OBs out there unwilling to do VBACs?? I'm honestly baffled by this. If you know something I don't, please share.

L

Wednesday Wish List...(a day late)

2009-06-18T12:31:00.000-05:00

If you don't believe that a fetus can suck the brain cells from unsuspecting pregnant women, I have proof that it is indeed a true and real phenomenon. I like to refer to it as placenta dementia. I think it has a nice ring to it, don't you? I'm considering contacting the medical community to get some recognition on this. I think it's the least they can do really.

But, I digress. I went through the entire day yesterday thinking that it was Tuesday. I had no reason to believe it was Tuesday. Our schedule is very different on Tuesday than it is on Wednesday. On Tuesdays, we work from 9 to 6. On Wednesdays, we work from 8 to 5. On Tuesdays, Will goes to Jenny's house during the day. On Wednesdays, he goes to daycare. So, one would think that I would have caught on to the fact that it was Wednesday when I had to wake up early and drop Will off at daycare. But no. I sat here all day long, thinking it was Tuesday and saying to myself, "Tomorrow I'll post this wish list." Duh. *blush* There has to be some type of medication for this disorder. This is another thing I'll mention in my letter to the experts.

So here it is, the Wednesday....errr....Thursday wish list. Enjoy!

I think this angel wall clock is about the sweetest, cutest, loveliest, (insert other nice adjectives here) clock I've ever seen. I want it. I don't know if Rob would let me have it, but I want it. Bad. Hint, hint, honey. I'm not one for subtlety.

I think this Rose Tabletop clock is just beautiful. It looks old and vintage, and reminds me of the style I would love for my home if I had free decorating reign. Then I remember that I live with two boys and give up that dream. My reality is way better than a clock anyway.

I would have a much easier time convincing Rob to put this Retro Clock in our house. Wood (rather than delicate white roses) is more his cup of tea.

I love the design of this Orange Albero clock. Will I ever spend $350 on a clock though? Ummm...no. Not unless I win the lottery. Though I think to win the lottery, you actually have to play it. Sigh.

And of course, a wish list wouldn't be complete without at least one Etsy find. Therefore, behold the Pendulum clock from UnCommon's Etsy store. There are lots of cool clocks in this store, but (after much deliberation) this is my fave. I love the design and the pale blue color.

I made this list yesterday, and I now realize that the clock that would best serve me is probably one that has the time AND day of the week on it. I'll be in search for one of those so that my wish list doesn't fall late again.

Almost the weekend....

L

Anger

2009-06-16T15:07:00.000-05:00

I think of myself as a pretty calm and reasonable person. I am not someone who is quick to anger or short tempered by any means. Most of the time, I just go with the flow and feel like I have a pretty level and diplomatic head. Of course, I have my own personal beliefs and opinions on certain issues, but I pride myself in being respectful about the choices that others make for themselves even when our views don't necessary align alongside one anothers. In general, I guess I just happen to believe in the goodness of most people. I belong to the school of thought that the vast majority of the people out there are like me, just doing their best and trying to get it right as they go. We all make mistakes. Not one of us is perfect. But, I honestly believe that we are trying, scraping, struggling, fighting to do the right thing every day. I believe in the goodness of people.

So, when I read something like this, the anger starts to swell inside me. As I read the article while eating my morning bowl of Cheerios, I literally felt the heat rising in my face. I felt a sickness setting into my stomach. I felt sad. I felt disgusted. And there was the anger again. I guess I've been a bit naive, because I honestly didn't know/realize that abortions of this caliber are legal in the US. I think about how active Will was in my belly by the end of the second trimester and the beginning on the third. He was a person then. He had his own personality already. He was as stubborn to move once he got into a comfortable spot then as he is now at 2 & 1/2 years old. He had hiccups. He stretched his little arms and flexed his toes and sucked his thumb. He yawned. His heart beat faster than mine ever will. And that, I suppose, is why I feel such a deep sense of loss, sadness, and unbridled rage when I hear that a doctor in this county is willing to dismember a child who already has their own beautiful and unique qualities. That a physician who took an oath to "first do no harm" would nonchaulantly talk about how he supposes the babies were still alive as he was pulling their limbs apart, because "I can see the fetal heartbeat on the ultrasound."

I can't even say anymore. I have been shaking my head over this all day.

L

I Want My Daddy!

2009-06-12T14:40:00.000-05:00

This is Will's new favorite thing to say. It comes out of his mouth at least 57 times a day. If he needs a diaper change, "I want my daddy!" Someone to open his granola bar, "I want my daddy!" Put his shoes on, "I want my daddy!" Get him out of bed in the morning, "I want my daddy!" The list goes on. He's been doing this for a few days now, and as much as I'd love to just take advantage of not having to change dirty diapers or get out of bed in the morning to go get him from his crib, the truth is, it hurts my feelings a bit.

Don't get me wrong, I am overjoyed that Will loves his daddy. I love that they have a close bond and that he is so attached to him. He has fun with Rob. He knows that he can depend on him. His daddy is capable of helping him with whatever he needs. That makes me happy. That makes me proud. However, the mom in me just wants to say him, "Hey kid, I pushed you out of my vagina! I think I can put your sock on!" Okay, so maybe that's not entirely accurate since I had a c-section, but still, he was there, in my stomach, kicking around like a kangaroo. Maybe something like, "Hey kid, I had you pulled from a big gaping hole in my stomach!" would be more appropriate? Though, that might give him terrible nightmares, at which point he would wake up screaming, "I WANT MY DADDY!!" And I'd only have myself to blame.

Happy weekend!
L

Wednesday Wish List

2009-06-10T14:41:00.000-05:00

I can't believe it's Wednesday. This week has been so long, I could swear it's Sunday and time to get ready for church. I had a terrible day on Monday and ended up going to my OB, because I felt so sick. Erring on the side of caution, he gave me another ultrasound and I was able to see the little bean hanging out in there, heart just a' fluttering. It was as amazing the second time as it was the first and Rob was with me at this visit, so it was extra special since he got to share it with me. I was riding high after that appointment, and then I got put back in my place last night with a terrible head cold. I've lost count as to how many times I've blown my nose today, but I can tell you this, if nose blowing could kill someone, I would be out tombstone shopping right now. Since, to my knowledge, you can't die of a runny nose, I sucked it up and went online shopping for the Wednesday Wish List instead. I have to say, it was a lot more fun than picking out a tombstone.

The list today consists of vases. It's summer time and there are a plethora of beautiful flowers out there waiting to be assembled in beautiful vases. Here are some of my faves.

These Cameron Silhouette Face vases are modern and fun. Maybe a bit on the freaky side too, but I still like em. Is it just me, or do they look like they might attack each other? Or maybe make out? Are they in love? Do they know each other? These are the things you consider when your body is flooded with hormones and being pregnant takes over your sensibilities. It's known as preggo brain. Don't laugh. It can happen to you.

These Porcelain Hay vases by Anne Black are handmade, which means each one is unique. I love that the design on each vase is made from a silkscreen print. That's talent. I would love to see this designer in action.

This black and white floral vase from LAMA is so simple, but I think that's the beauty of it. It's got a hip and funky quality to it as well. I just love it. Don't stare at it too long though. It kind of starts to become an optical illusion. Or maybe, I've just taken too much Claritin.

How sweet and delicate is this Little Birdie...All Alone vase?? Red Hot Pottery's Etsy shop has many beautiful designs, so it was hard to pick just one. Vases this pretty don't even need flowers.

Last but not least, is this long wall vase in turquoise. Not only do I adore turquoise, but I like the idea of flowers hanging on the wall. It's fun. It's cool. It's different.

Well, that wraps things up for today. I'm going to go look for my nose now. I think it fell off in that last Kleenex.

Signed,
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer